Yoga for dummies

I went to yoga today for the first time in weeks (and it had been months between that time and the previous one.) When I go, I kind of hate it and love it. I particularly hate how out of shape I have become. I didn't really love watching myself in the mirror when I did pilates 2 years ago and then I was 30-35 pounds thinner and exercising daily. I was really strong and taking advanced pilates class. Today, I had to do all of the modifications to make the practice easier and I really didn't want to look at myself in the mirror or look around the class at everyone who was thinner and better than me. On one had it is upsetting to see how far I have let myself go and on the other hand, I was here before and worked my way up to that level of fitness so I could probably do it again. I know yoga is supposed to be relaxing and it kind of is but I don't think you are supposed to be focusing on how much harder it is than it used to be when you are supposed to be focusing on the breath. When I remembered, I tried to use the breath to make it easier but I dont' think it really worked for me. Of course after I left the gym, I felt healthy so I ate well - well at least until dinner. I also used that productive feeling to impel me to finally get my tox screen so that I can start volunteering and to take care of errands and other minutae. I would like to go back to the gym tomorrow but I'm not sure that it is really going to happen. I wouldn't have made it today had I not been meeting a friend there. I wonder if my parents can tell when I am lying. I claim to be at the gym a lot more than I actually go. So when I do get to the gym, I think I speak about it differently than when I don't go. When I pretend to do something I haven't done, I dont' embellish or provide anecdotes or details. Any iniquiries are met with vague answers but when I go somewhere I say I am going to be, I turn into Chatty Cathy. Am i giving myself away? Does everyone lie? To what extent? Is this something I should be working on? i know that I'm totally proud to be myself when I am transparent? Or is it Ok to lie to get some space for oneself? Lilah makes a point of telling the truth because people lie when they are depressed. When you are not interested in anything and doing even less, you generally lie about your activities and probably about your feelings (although you may be less cognizant of those lies). Lying is behavior that is associated with depression. That is certainly true for me but I don't think I'm currently depressed and I am still lying. Maybe I have been depressed, I have had odd sleeping and eating patterns and I know that it always a harbinger for me. However, I dont' think I have been disinterested or disengaged- which is how i think i experience depression. I am not sure that I really know and sometimes I'm not convinced I have recurrent major depression- sometimes I just feel like I am lazy or unmotivated or just totally out of touch. I dont know what I think or how I feel and sometimes I don't know what is real and true. Do I know what I believe?