Clearing my head before Stats
I really should be reviewing stats now but I am having a hard time focusing so I am going to try to clear my head for a minute and then try to focus.
Arnie "dumped" me today- I knew he was leaving town on Sunday and that we wouldn't be keeping in touch but I think I thought we would be seeing each other until then. I liked having someone to sleep next to and staying at his apt near the ocean and I really do think well of him (I don't think I would have spent any time with him if I hadn't). He basically told me that he doesn't want us to get any closer than we are - I know he is right but I still feel kind of rejected. I'll admit it I cried for a couple of minutes and then went to the bathroom and washed my face. I am actually feeling better already. Lois told me that I am not a player and I'm not the type to be able to hook up without getting emotionally involved in some way- I suppose she is right. All in all, it was a good experience and I am happy that I met him and hung out with him for a bit. It's refreshing for me b/c I think I honestly wish him well- once when we were hooking up he said "Zoe, I hope life works out for you." and I responded in kind. It's true. I do hope life works out for him.
I could have done without feeling dumped or rejected but by this time next week it wouldn't have mattered- either way it would have been over. And this way I can go on my date with Bernard without Arnie on my radar. I didn't think he was going to be on my radar anyway but I may have screwed it up somehow if I thought I was hooking up with Arnie the next day. (although I thought it was safe because Bernard is going out of town (and out of communication- for a review course)tomorrow morning and won't be back until Arnie is gone.) It may not matter as I am not sure if either Bernard or I will be interested after this date but on paper we seem pretty well matched.
I think i should be ready to date a contender. I think I know who I am and what i want- I hope so. I think I like my life and the people in it and I think I like myself.
I know this is going to be a rough couple of months in grad school and applying to schools won't be fun but I am really excited about my work at Sinai (I am going to start interviewing patients about their abuse historys soon)and excited about rape advocacy program. I think I get scared sometimes and unsure but this is what I want. I worked hard to get this far and I am going to continue to work hard. Arnie might have also been a (pleasurable) diversion from my mounting courseload.
Ok I think I can get back to work- more later
Arnie "dumped" me today- I knew he was leaving town on Sunday and that we wouldn't be keeping in touch but I think I thought we would be seeing each other until then. I liked having someone to sleep next to and staying at his apt near the ocean and I really do think well of him (I don't think I would have spent any time with him if I hadn't). He basically told me that he doesn't want us to get any closer than we are - I know he is right but I still feel kind of rejected. I'll admit it I cried for a couple of minutes and then went to the bathroom and washed my face. I am actually feeling better already. Lois told me that I am not a player and I'm not the type to be able to hook up without getting emotionally involved in some way- I suppose she is right. All in all, it was a good experience and I am happy that I met him and hung out with him for a bit. It's refreshing for me b/c I think I honestly wish him well- once when we were hooking up he said "Zoe, I hope life works out for you." and I responded in kind. It's true. I do hope life works out for him.
I could have done without feeling dumped or rejected but by this time next week it wouldn't have mattered- either way it would have been over. And this way I can go on my date with Bernard without Arnie on my radar. I didn't think he was going to be on my radar anyway but I may have screwed it up somehow if I thought I was hooking up with Arnie the next day. (although I thought it was safe because Bernard is going out of town (and out of communication- for a review course)tomorrow morning and won't be back until Arnie is gone.) It may not matter as I am not sure if either Bernard or I will be interested after this date but on paper we seem pretty well matched.
I think i should be ready to date a contender. I think I know who I am and what i want- I hope so. I think I like my life and the people in it and I think I like myself.
I know this is going to be a rough couple of months in grad school and applying to schools won't be fun but I am really excited about my work at Sinai (I am going to start interviewing patients about their abuse historys soon)and excited about rape advocacy program. I think I get scared sometimes and unsure but this is what I want. I worked hard to get this far and I am going to continue to work hard. Arnie might have also been a (pleasurable) diversion from my mounting courseload.
Ok I think I can get back to work- more later
posted by Zoe at 5:12 PM
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