looking ahead- how far ahead?
long term vs short term goals --- looking for play vs looking for a relationship- I thought that I was looking for both this year that I could do that but as sam said " how is that working out for you? " so if i really want the relationship, I should be focusing on the ways that I can work toward that-- what are they?
I was IMing with former friend with benefits today and I can revive that and part of me is kind of tempted to (but not that tempted as he reallly wasn't all that good) but I know it's just boredom, impatience and maybe some loneliness. I am also tempted to email Arnie and tell him to call me next time he is in America so we can just hook up for a couple of days but I dont know if it is a good idea or if he would be at all amenable to it- among other thigns, it has been a really long time sinceI have seen him and there is no reason to think that he thinks about me at all (it is not like I am thinking about him all the time) and that he would be interested in some NSA play or anything else.
I should also think about patience and if I can work on long term goals like school and delay gratification - i may want to apply those principles to my health. Is school such a long term goal that I dont even know what I want at the end of it. Am I perfectly happy to be in school with no end in sight? Do I feel like I am ready to finish? Do I know what I want to do when I do?
What do I want? And if I know do I know how to get it?
I just sat here with my head in my hands for the past couple of minutes- I dont know what I am doing. I spoke to joan about it today (and Lilah briefly)- what do I really want to be doing? What kind of degree do I need and where do I want it to take me. Saying I dont know, well that isn't really an answer, it is isn't really acceptable and fuck it- i'm too old for that.
The good news is that while I spent a large portion of the day eating and layiing on my couch and watching TV- I got totally bored of it. Hopefully bored enough to get me to something tomorrow before I meet an old lab friend at 6 and have dinner at meg and will's at 830 ( i rescheduled with them rather than drive out there tonight, i was just too lazy). It would be nice to actually do something tomorrow. I tried to schedule platelets donation with Erin but the donor room couldn't accomodate her schedule so we are going tomorrow. I should really get to sleep at a reasonable time (although that ship has sailed) and stop spending so much time surfing the net.
Here's to sweet dreams and productive days. Life is too short to waste this much time- i should remember that. And I should remember that I really do think I want a relationship. I want to have kids someday and I want to be married someday (not in that order) and I can't do nothing about it forever and expect it to work itself out. Although I am not sure what one could do that might be effective.
I was IMing with former friend with benefits today and I can revive that and part of me is kind of tempted to (but not that tempted as he reallly wasn't all that good) but I know it's just boredom, impatience and maybe some loneliness. I am also tempted to email Arnie and tell him to call me next time he is in America so we can just hook up for a couple of days but I dont know if it is a good idea or if he would be at all amenable to it- among other thigns, it has been a really long time sinceI have seen him and there is no reason to think that he thinks about me at all (it is not like I am thinking about him all the time) and that he would be interested in some NSA play or anything else.
I should also think about patience and if I can work on long term goals like school and delay gratification - i may want to apply those principles to my health. Is school such a long term goal that I dont even know what I want at the end of it. Am I perfectly happy to be in school with no end in sight? Do I feel like I am ready to finish? Do I know what I want to do when I do?
What do I want? And if I know do I know how to get it?
I just sat here with my head in my hands for the past couple of minutes- I dont know what I am doing. I spoke to joan about it today (and Lilah briefly)- what do I really want to be doing? What kind of degree do I need and where do I want it to take me. Saying I dont know, well that isn't really an answer, it is isn't really acceptable and fuck it- i'm too old for that.
The good news is that while I spent a large portion of the day eating and layiing on my couch and watching TV- I got totally bored of it. Hopefully bored enough to get me to something tomorrow before I meet an old lab friend at 6 and have dinner at meg and will's at 830 ( i rescheduled with them rather than drive out there tonight, i was just too lazy). It would be nice to actually do something tomorrow. I tried to schedule platelets donation with Erin but the donor room couldn't accomodate her schedule so we are going tomorrow. I should really get to sleep at a reasonable time (although that ship has sailed) and stop spending so much time surfing the net.
Here's to sweet dreams and productive days. Life is too short to waste this much time- i should remember that. And I should remember that I really do think I want a relationship. I want to have kids someday and I want to be married someday (not in that order) and I can't do nothing about it forever and expect it to work itself out. Although I am not sure what one could do that might be effective.
posted by Zoe at 12:38 AM
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