I'm back
In more ways than one. I didn't realize how much I missed blogging and how it helps me clear my head- often when I don't think I have that much to say or I don't have time to blog it is when I probably should be doing it more.
So my stats exam went OK. I didn't study nearly as much as I should have but since it was an open book exam I just looked up all the answers- in fact the prof let me use my computer since I take notes on it, I could have just googled all the answers- but I didn't. The second half of the exam is on Thursday. I should study a bit more for that.
I feel calmer and more like me in the best way. I just spoke to Erin and made plans to hang out with her tomorrow- it was good to remember how much I like my siblings (she called to check how my exam went) and I spoke to Joan, Lois and Lilah on my way home. Speaking to them helped me access all the positive aspects of my encounter with Arnie. I had a lot of fun with him while it lasted. I enjoyed hanging out with him and hooking up with him (and I think it helped me feel more comfortable with my body- always a good thing). I think I was just upset about being rejected such as it was- I like him as a person and I was comfortable with him and I guess I wasn't ready for that to end even though I knew we never had a future- I wonder if that was part of the appeal for me- I could get comfortable with him because I knew he was leaving in a couple of weeks. I am not sure. Stella tells me that I am busting out- I remember when a friend of mine in 8th grade told me that everyone rebels sooner or later, she was just doing it sooner. I think this was good for me- it was fun and I enjoyed myself. It was fairly uncomplicated. I think we might have confused things a bit too much last night when we hung out and didn't really hook up. Maybe I am just not ready to give up the easy access to action. It was fun to explore that side a bit more and I guess I thought I would have more time to do that, more time to try other stuff. It's nice to have a chest where your head belongs - if even for a night. Part of me feels like I have been acting like a 15 year old boy who thinks he just invented sex. Pacey has been in touch with me and I suppose I could go back there if I am so inclined. Maybe I should think about hooking up with someone that I want to date. Speaking of dates- I just got back from my date with Bernard. I am not sure how I feel about it- I would see him again if he wanted to, which is probably all I have to know right now. If I am harboring any illusions about swimming tomorrow morning I have to go to sleep now.
So my stats exam went OK. I didn't study nearly as much as I should have but since it was an open book exam I just looked up all the answers- in fact the prof let me use my computer since I take notes on it, I could have just googled all the answers- but I didn't. The second half of the exam is on Thursday. I should study a bit more for that.
I feel calmer and more like me in the best way. I just spoke to Erin and made plans to hang out with her tomorrow- it was good to remember how much I like my siblings (she called to check how my exam went) and I spoke to Joan, Lois and Lilah on my way home. Speaking to them helped me access all the positive aspects of my encounter with Arnie. I had a lot of fun with him while it lasted. I enjoyed hanging out with him and hooking up with him (and I think it helped me feel more comfortable with my body- always a good thing). I think I was just upset about being rejected such as it was- I like him as a person and I was comfortable with him and I guess I wasn't ready for that to end even though I knew we never had a future- I wonder if that was part of the appeal for me- I could get comfortable with him because I knew he was leaving in a couple of weeks. I am not sure. Stella tells me that I am busting out- I remember when a friend of mine in 8th grade told me that everyone rebels sooner or later, she was just doing it sooner. I think this was good for me- it was fun and I enjoyed myself. It was fairly uncomplicated. I think we might have confused things a bit too much last night when we hung out and didn't really hook up. Maybe I am just not ready to give up the easy access to action. It was fun to explore that side a bit more and I guess I thought I would have more time to do that, more time to try other stuff. It's nice to have a chest where your head belongs - if even for a night. Part of me feels like I have been acting like a 15 year old boy who thinks he just invented sex. Pacey has been in touch with me and I suppose I could go back there if I am so inclined. Maybe I should think about hooking up with someone that I want to date. Speaking of dates- I just got back from my date with Bernard. I am not sure how I feel about it- I would see him again if he wanted to, which is probably all I have to know right now. If I am harboring any illusions about swimming tomorrow morning I have to go to sleep now.
posted by Zoe at 8:43 PM
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