Welcome to my stream of conciousness
Note- For some reason the ability to post comments was screwed up but I have since fixed it- Please comment
I am never going to be able to catch up and flesh out all the stickies and all the unfinished drafts so i am just going to publish the drafts as they are and cut and paste the stickies here and then I will start with a clean slate but with the ability to reference older thoughts (even if they aren't fully developed)-most of the stickies are notes I made in class last week and on monday and tuesday. Depending on how things go in the lab I may discuss some of the points later today.
I think these are in chronological order- such as they are
stickie 1- off my to do list- blog religion and personal growth and belonging-
(it has been on the top of my list for quite some time)
stickie 2- BLOG
studying
convos- queen, seymour
work- t2gt
beach
food- coffee, dried mango, salads, mango, shawarma,
soy latte, coffee
hook up with arnie- not girlfriend- nice to have someone tell me i'm beautiful- totally sober- nice to sleep at someone's apt but also nice that there isn't expectations of each other- just is- i guess if it goes well with bernard i should stop- drugs- "i hope life works out for you"
swim
wedding
fundraising for ed video
lab
studying
impulse control /avoidance- problems with my hook up?- self-destructive? short sighted?
stickie 3- food- backwards- coffee, foccacia, fructose candy, coffee, spicy peanuts, soy latte, caramel machiatto, fruit juice, chicken, carrots, 2 gnochi, carrots, very little salad and tuna, soy latte, coffee, soy latte, weight watchers bar, soy latte, sald with tuna and itialian dressing
photo from fundraiser- i thought i looked good until i saw pics
seymour, simon
i'm a 15 yr old boy who just discovered sex (and i'm not even having sex)
ohel wedding
date with bernard
not getting enough sleep
arnie- what do i want from him? if it is just fun i should not be prioritizing him at all
studying- avoiding it but priortizing everything else
lab
sinai
DVG- down 5.5 - at 177.5 - lost another 2 inches off my waist
Rosh Hashanah
stella- busting out
stickie 4-
offsite comments
queen- hooking up- talking about sophie's wedding
arnie- emotions/contender
do i ever think i am hot? cute yes
is this a good idea- self destructive? make me normal for contenders? is it ok since he is leaving- givng him too much priority- am i going to get myself in trouble and get too attached to him?
what do i want from him- do i want him to ask about bernard? stella- doesn't want me to get hurt- spending as much time as i can with him efore he leaves- silly?
am i deliberately giveing myself emotional space from bernard? is that even neccesary?
it's like i am deliberately not letting go of him when i can but i am not- if i give it a couple of days i'll be over him but i'm waiting for him to go
do i want to spend full day with him before he leaves? why?
we have a lot of silence when we aren't in bed and even then- what is the attraction? i'm not even so into kissing him- he is an ok kisser but he is really sweet- why am i obsessing about him?
i dont think we have same values- i dont even think i am what he is looking for - were he to be looking for relationship - which he isn't- do i like that he doens't want relatioship? am i avoiding relationships with him- i get th hooking up and company without asking too much of me. is that what i want? are we just lonely? am i being impatient?
do i own my values? do i think that other people have it right?
inhibitions
why do i care if someone is smart?
photography- i should pick that up again
I am never going to be able to catch up and flesh out all the stickies and all the unfinished drafts so i am just going to publish the drafts as they are and cut and paste the stickies here and then I will start with a clean slate but with the ability to reference older thoughts (even if they aren't fully developed)-most of the stickies are notes I made in class last week and on monday and tuesday. Depending on how things go in the lab I may discuss some of the points later today.
I think these are in chronological order- such as they are
stickie 1- off my to do list- blog religion and personal growth and belonging-
(it has been on the top of my list for quite some time)
stickie 2- BLOG
studying
convos- queen, seymour
work- t2gt
beach
food- coffee, dried mango, salads, mango, shawarma,
soy latte, coffee
hook up with arnie- not girlfriend- nice to have someone tell me i'm beautiful- totally sober- nice to sleep at someone's apt but also nice that there isn't expectations of each other- just is- i guess if it goes well with bernard i should stop- drugs- "i hope life works out for you"
swim
wedding
fundraising for ed video
lab
studying
impulse control /avoidance- problems with my hook up?- self-destructive? short sighted?
stickie 3- food- backwards- coffee, foccacia, fructose candy, coffee, spicy peanuts, soy latte, caramel machiatto, fruit juice, chicken, carrots, 2 gnochi, carrots, very little salad and tuna, soy latte, coffee, soy latte, weight watchers bar, soy latte, sald with tuna and itialian dressing
photo from fundraiser- i thought i looked good until i saw pics
seymour, simon
i'm a 15 yr old boy who just discovered sex (and i'm not even having sex)
ohel wedding
date with bernard
not getting enough sleep
arnie- what do i want from him? if it is just fun i should not be prioritizing him at all
studying- avoiding it but priortizing everything else
lab
sinai
DVG- down 5.5 - at 177.5 - lost another 2 inches off my waist
Rosh Hashanah
stella- busting out
stickie 4-
offsite comments
queen- hooking up- talking about sophie's wedding
arnie- emotions/contender
do i ever think i am hot? cute yes
is this a good idea- self destructive? make me normal for contenders? is it ok since he is leaving- givng him too much priority- am i going to get myself in trouble and get too attached to him?
what do i want from him- do i want him to ask about bernard? stella- doesn't want me to get hurt- spending as much time as i can with him efore he leaves- silly?
am i deliberately giveing myself emotional space from bernard? is that even neccesary?
it's like i am deliberately not letting go of him when i can but i am not- if i give it a couple of days i'll be over him but i'm waiting for him to go
do i want to spend full day with him before he leaves? why?
we have a lot of silence when we aren't in bed and even then- what is the attraction? i'm not even so into kissing him- he is an ok kisser but he is really sweet- why am i obsessing about him?
i dont think we have same values- i dont even think i am what he is looking for - were he to be looking for relationship - which he isn't- do i like that he doens't want relatioship? am i avoiding relationships with him- i get th hooking up and company without asking too much of me. is that what i want? are we just lonely? am i being impatient?
do i own my values? do i think that other people have it right?
inhibitions
why do i care if someone is smart?
photography- i should pick that up again
posted by Zoe at 8:11 AM
2 Comments:
As I read your blogs I see so much of me in you. I think as much as I try to meet men, I am preventing myself from meeting Mr.Right. I also obsess over men that are just not that into me. As much as I say it, go after the guys that will appreciate you. Not the hook-ups. Those guys aren't the ones who want to really get to know you. Save the hook ups for the important relationship guys. It is always more enjoyable to be with a guy that you are emotionally involved with and you care about and they care about you.
Bye for now,
Queen
As I read your blogs I see so much of me in you. I think as much as I try to meet men, I am preventing myself from meeting Mr.Right. I also obsess over men that are just not that into me. As much as I say it, go after the guys that will appreciate you. Not the hook-ups. Those guys aren't the ones who want to really get to know you. Save the hook ups for the important relationship guys. It is always more enjoyable to be with a guy that you are emotionally involved with and you care about and they care about you.
Bye for now,
Queen
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