All over the place
I have been sick (it's amazing how different throwing up is when you can't control it- it's just so painful and gross- I know everyone else thinks it is painful and gross all the time but it actually feels different when you initiate it) for the past couple of days so I have been more or less couch-bound. I went to training (late) because I knew I couldn't make it up- it was good and I felt OK, I was just tired and dehydrated, a couple of people in my small group told me that I am going to make a really good advocate (including the facilitator) so that was nice. The survivor speaker this week was the volunteer coordinator, she had been in an abusive marraige for 7 years before she got out and her husband committed suicide two weeks after she left. Two women in my small group shared their experiences with intimate partner violence and emotional abuse as well. It was pretty intense.
Seymour has here for the weekend and we were supposed to go to the parties but I wasn't up to it. I feel bad because watching me fall asleep on the couch while watching SVU is not exactly an exciting Sat. night.
Got out today to go to my cousin's wedding. It was beautiful and it was fun to hang out with my family but I don't quite fit in. It is my choice - I think but it is weird for me sometimes. One of my cousins was telling me how much she liked the bride's community (my cousin was the groom) because they all their own people. I agreed with her but I mentally noted that she lives in my parent's community which is conventional to the nth degree. I had gone late to the wedding with Alex and missed the huppah. All of the groom's sisters told me that they had been looking for me during the huppah to give me a piece of jewelry to hold as a segulah. I kind of felt like the spinster cousin especially since the didn't sit me with all my cousins but with his medical school friends who I didn't know (most of whom were married). Running into a friend from high school who I hadn't seen in 5 years was also kind of strange. We caught each other up on all our school and camp friends and most of them are married and living fairly conventional lives and I realized that I am not the least bit envious of them. I also ran into one of my downtown friends who I haven't seen in a while, she is a 32 year old dancer married to a 25 year old journalist. She looks great and they are happy. At first it was a little offputting for me that everyone else was totally made up and bejeweled and I was a little more casual- I didn't have the professionally blow dryed hair (or blow dryed at all) look or what my dad's friend would call serious jewelry or perfect make-up. I was dressed up in a long dress, sparkly sweater and heels and had make up and lenses but I wasn't really formal or fancy like most of my cousins. Last time this happened (at a family friend's wedding) I remember looking in the mirror and thinking that I looked cute and that I looked like me- and I'm more casual and laid-back and i'm not conventional and I felt really good about it. This time I felt that way but I also felt some self-doubt and a bit of envy as well. Seeing the dancer helped swing me over from the latter emotional state to the former.
Totally need to head to bed as I have 8 am class and tons of studying to do as I didn't do any over the weekend and I have to MC an eating disorder fundraiser tomorrow night.
Seymour has here for the weekend and we were supposed to go to the parties but I wasn't up to it. I feel bad because watching me fall asleep on the couch while watching SVU is not exactly an exciting Sat. night.
Got out today to go to my cousin's wedding. It was beautiful and it was fun to hang out with my family but I don't quite fit in. It is my choice - I think but it is weird for me sometimes. One of my cousins was telling me how much she liked the bride's community (my cousin was the groom) because they all their own people. I agreed with her but I mentally noted that she lives in my parent's community which is conventional to the nth degree. I had gone late to the wedding with Alex and missed the huppah. All of the groom's sisters told me that they had been looking for me during the huppah to give me a piece of jewelry to hold as a segulah. I kind of felt like the spinster cousin especially since the didn't sit me with all my cousins but with his medical school friends who I didn't know (most of whom were married). Running into a friend from high school who I hadn't seen in 5 years was also kind of strange. We caught each other up on all our school and camp friends and most of them are married and living fairly conventional lives and I realized that I am not the least bit envious of them. I also ran into one of my downtown friends who I haven't seen in a while, she is a 32 year old dancer married to a 25 year old journalist. She looks great and they are happy. At first it was a little offputting for me that everyone else was totally made up and bejeweled and I was a little more casual- I didn't have the professionally blow dryed hair (or blow dryed at all) look or what my dad's friend would call serious jewelry or perfect make-up. I was dressed up in a long dress, sparkly sweater and heels and had make up and lenses but I wasn't really formal or fancy like most of my cousins. Last time this happened (at a family friend's wedding) I remember looking in the mirror and thinking that I looked cute and that I looked like me- and I'm more casual and laid-back and i'm not conventional and I felt really good about it. This time I felt that way but I also felt some self-doubt and a bit of envy as well. Seeing the dancer helped swing me over from the latter emotional state to the former.
Totally need to head to bed as I have 8 am class and tons of studying to do as I didn't do any over the weekend and I have to MC an eating disorder fundraiser tomorrow night.
posted by Zoe at 12:44 AM
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