More Musings
* Do i want to draw people to me with need? Do I want to be independent? Does being strong make it hard to connect with people?
* Who cares if I am perceived as smart in class?
* At a certain point you decide to make an effort with someone - what motivates people to make an effort?
* Is it OK not to think about everything? not to have opinions about certain things? Does it make you less thoughtful? Less concerned?
* Are we obligated to follow people's advice if we ask for it or if we discuss something with them?
* Is honestly always the best policy? Should you lie rather than hurt someone's feelings unnecessarily? Is it OK to lie to secure some space?
* Of course Arnie loves me. I am really loveable. He won't be the last one to love me. What do I want from him? What will make me happy here? I don't want to be anxious about him. Divorcing myself from him might make me sad but it will remove the uncertainty and vulnerability- should I be tolerating them? Or should I just let it fade away. Or write to him and tell him that I know that he doesn't really think it is a good idea for us to keep in touch and he doesn't want to be distracted by me so we should stop speaking/writing. "I love you and I want you in my life but not like this, not when you are so ambivalent about keeping in touch, not when you don't really think it is a good idea to hold onto me. I know I said I wanted you anyway I can have you but I don't. I want you if you can be engaged in our relationship, if you can explore where it can go, if you can try not to be scared to be with me. I am willing to be patient as long as we are on the same road and I don't think we are. You are holding on because you are bored and lonely in Argentina and need some distraction until you settle in there. I want someone who really wants to be with me, who values the connection they have with me and wants to explore it."
* Knowing someone's behavioral patterns and being able not take it personally is so liberating. It shifts your expectations and removes anxiety and the self-doubt.
* If you disagree with something that someone says is it better to speak up or keep it to yourself?
* What makes for a healthy relationship? What is the right "relationship pyramid"? How much of your timr should devoted to a particular type of interaction?
* Am I ambitious? How ambitious am I? Do I want to just find meaningful work? Do I need the degree? Do I nned to be compensated? Whould I be OK with being the volunteer socialite suburban mom type? If I would do a lot of community work and not have a career? What is my motivation?
* Who cares if I am perceived as smart in class?
* At a certain point you decide to make an effort with someone - what motivates people to make an effort?
* Is it OK not to think about everything? not to have opinions about certain things? Does it make you less thoughtful? Less concerned?
* Are we obligated to follow people's advice if we ask for it or if we discuss something with them?
* Is honestly always the best policy? Should you lie rather than hurt someone's feelings unnecessarily? Is it OK to lie to secure some space?
* Of course Arnie loves me. I am really loveable. He won't be the last one to love me. What do I want from him? What will make me happy here? I don't want to be anxious about him. Divorcing myself from him might make me sad but it will remove the uncertainty and vulnerability- should I be tolerating them? Or should I just let it fade away. Or write to him and tell him that I know that he doesn't really think it is a good idea for us to keep in touch and he doesn't want to be distracted by me so we should stop speaking/writing. "I love you and I want you in my life but not like this, not when you are so ambivalent about keeping in touch, not when you don't really think it is a good idea to hold onto me. I know I said I wanted you anyway I can have you but I don't. I want you if you can be engaged in our relationship, if you can explore where it can go, if you can try not to be scared to be with me. I am willing to be patient as long as we are on the same road and I don't think we are. You are holding on because you are bored and lonely in Argentina and need some distraction until you settle in there. I want someone who really wants to be with me, who values the connection they have with me and wants to explore it."
* Knowing someone's behavioral patterns and being able not take it personally is so liberating. It shifts your expectations and removes anxiety and the self-doubt.
* If you disagree with something that someone says is it better to speak up or keep it to yourself?
* What makes for a healthy relationship? What is the right "relationship pyramid"? How much of your timr should devoted to a particular type of interaction?
* Am I ambitious? How ambitious am I? Do I want to just find meaningful work? Do I need the degree? Do I nned to be compensated? Whould I be OK with being the volunteer socialite suburban mom type? If I would do a lot of community work and not have a career? What is my motivation?
posted by Zoe at 12:53 AM
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