What I want

What i want is someone who wants me as much as I want him. Someone who is more scared to lose me than to be with me. I want to feel connected to someone. I am ready to let someone in and I want to be let in.
Right now, my heart kind of hurts and the tears have been intermittently appearing but I am also really happy. I am happy to know that i can connect with someone, that I can extend myself to be with someone, I can let someone in and I am happy that I know what I deserve and what I want. I'm happy that I know my heart can feel this way. Feeling this way about someone is a gift. It's beautiful and wonderful and it still retains its value even if things can't work out long term. It doesn't make it less real. I am happy that I can be honest with myself and with someone else.
Arnie is leaving tonight and I'm not sure if I am going to see him today. I want to see him but only if he wants to see me as much as I want to see him. I know he has a lot of stuff to take care of today and I really don't want to make things more crazy for him and I dont' want to see him if he is going to be preoccupied. I have to let go at some point today. Will seeing each other make things better or worse for me? Do I care? I think being with my family for the next 2 days and having all this studyiing to do will be good for me.
Song - Galileo by Indigo Girls