Catching up- quick and casual
For the past couple of nights I have had a lot of trouble falling asleep. Of course I dont use that time productively- to study, clean my room etc. I have been surfing the net and wasting time.
I am trying to remind myself that I have the capacity to be amazing and I should expect that of myself and work toward that and expect that in a partner. I really shouldn't be wasting my time thinking about guys in my past who weren't amazing (for one reason or another) or checking out other guys on jdate who dont seem that amazing either. Sam and I were "talking" earlier today about meeting someone organically- I really have to start getting out more and looking and feeling cute regardless of my size. And I should focus on school and my friends and having a good time and working on things that are important to me.
In other updates- Will's wedding was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed myself and just got into and was excited to see how extraordinarily happy he was and is with Meg. I felt good about how I looked- the dress, the hair, the make-up it all worked. I saw a few pictures and thought I looked cute and then saw a couple of pictures and thought that I looked pretty but fat. I got a lot of compliments about how I looked at the wedding.
Trying to eat healthy food- it's going OK but not great- exchanging email food logs with Sam. I have to start exercising- (mom agian offered to pay for a trainer) I made a date to hit the gym with Sally on Sunday- i'll keep you posted.
Flirted a bit with Pacey today (online and text)- I think he asked me to participate in a 3some. Also have emailed a bit with Isidore this week (see men who are not amazing) and have been IMing with this guy from e-harmony. He seems nice but I dont think I am feeling it.
I got angry today about the whole school situation. Meredith asked me what I am planning on doing and I said I was waiting to see what happened with the waitlist and she suggested that I assume I am not getting in and plan for that. She was saying if there is really where I want to be, I should make myself a better candidate- how? By getting an A in neuroanatomy? by volunteering as a rape crisis counselor? by working in multiple labs for long periods of time. I think I didn't hide my annoyance that well. I really haven't been thinking about it. My first reaction was disbelief. I thought it was some effin joke and then when I got email from T2GT with permission to cry, I did and then I was just busy being sick. (I did email everyone I could think of at school to ask for help and guidance). I think I have just been hoping it will work out because I believe that I deserve it - I worked hard for it.
Starting catching up in lab today, went to class, helped prof with a project and went to Lia's to catch up. I cancelled my company for shabbat and rescheduled them (Jesse, Lia and hubby, Sean and Kim and Harry) for next week and am going uptown for girl's PJ weekend instead. I didn't think I was up for entertaining quite yet, even though I hoped I would be.
I am trying to remind myself that I have the capacity to be amazing and I should expect that of myself and work toward that and expect that in a partner. I really shouldn't be wasting my time thinking about guys in my past who weren't amazing (for one reason or another) or checking out other guys on jdate who dont seem that amazing either. Sam and I were "talking" earlier today about meeting someone organically- I really have to start getting out more and looking and feeling cute regardless of my size. And I should focus on school and my friends and having a good time and working on things that are important to me.
In other updates- Will's wedding was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed myself and just got into and was excited to see how extraordinarily happy he was and is with Meg. I felt good about how I looked- the dress, the hair, the make-up it all worked. I saw a few pictures and thought I looked cute and then saw a couple of pictures and thought that I looked pretty but fat. I got a lot of compliments about how I looked at the wedding.
Trying to eat healthy food- it's going OK but not great- exchanging email food logs with Sam. I have to start exercising- (mom agian offered to pay for a trainer) I made a date to hit the gym with Sally on Sunday- i'll keep you posted.
Flirted a bit with Pacey today (online and text)- I think he asked me to participate in a 3some. Also have emailed a bit with Isidore this week (see men who are not amazing) and have been IMing with this guy from e-harmony. He seems nice but I dont think I am feeling it.
I got angry today about the whole school situation. Meredith asked me what I am planning on doing and I said I was waiting to see what happened with the waitlist and she suggested that I assume I am not getting in and plan for that. She was saying if there is really where I want to be, I should make myself a better candidate- how? By getting an A in neuroanatomy? by volunteering as a rape crisis counselor? by working in multiple labs for long periods of time. I think I didn't hide my annoyance that well. I really haven't been thinking about it. My first reaction was disbelief. I thought it was some effin joke and then when I got email from T2GT with permission to cry, I did and then I was just busy being sick. (I did email everyone I could think of at school to ask for help and guidance). I think I have just been hoping it will work out because I believe that I deserve it - I worked hard for it.
Starting catching up in lab today, went to class, helped prof with a project and went to Lia's to catch up. I cancelled my company for shabbat and rescheduled them (Jesse, Lia and hubby, Sean and Kim and Harry) for next week and am going uptown for girl's PJ weekend instead. I didn't think I was up for entertaining quite yet, even though I hoped I would be.
posted by Zoe at 3:15 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home