I think it's over
I am finishing up day 10 of this lemonade fast and I am excited to go back to food (after a day or two of juice to transition) but I am also a little tempted to keep going- at least until the wedding but I dont want to go crazy. Today my friends at school were practically staging an intervention.
I want to stop making dieting and food and weight this huge deal and lemonade keeps me in that place.
i was talking to Sophie today about my next step and I want to just eat well and try to eliminate emotional eating and guilt and I just dont want it to be this presence in my life. I am tempted to go on a diet now but I dont think that focusing on food like that is good for me. I want to be thin and I like looking good but I can look and feel good at more than one weight and I want to transition to being healthy and happy and not as pre-occupied with weight and food. Eat more fruits and vegetables, eat balanced meals and move away from processed foods and mindless eating. I want to try to exercise 3-4 times a week and I want to focus on being fit and healthy and start living moderately in a fashion that I can sustain, living in a way that doesn't exert all this mental energy on this stuff.
I know I also have to figure out a way to stop looking to my mom for approval in this regard. I went home today to take care of shoes and stuff for my gown and my mom told me " I dont want you to get annoyed but you look better". And I wanted her to notice. I was kind of excited to go home to see her reaction; Sophie asked me what my mom thought when I tried on the gown at Aunt Karen's (she wasn't there) because she knew that my attitude towards the gown was linked to my mom's attitude toward the gown. I need to stop that and I'm not sure how.
I have some notes to catch up on from the day I missed Neurochem but I am going to go to sleep instead. I will have to catch up later but I want to try and get a normal night's sleep as I have 2 classes tomorrow, my interview on Friday and Will's festivities this weekend (I think I am finally getting excited, I think it will be fun- or I hope it will be fun, I want it to be fun) and I went to bed late last night. Lia and I finished our presentation at 2 am and then I reviewed my notes from my last class and it was difficult to wake up. I think our presentation was fine. In the end we put it together in less than 3 hours and we just as easily could have sat down and did it the night we started (2 weeks earlier) instead of the night before it was due. Had we done it that way I could have went to Trivia Night last night with Daryl, Aurora and a bunch of other people. I would like to think that I will learn for next time- but I suspect I won't.
I should get to bed - I hope to get a lot done tomorrow - I need to take care of a bunch of stuff for will's wedding and associated parties and I would like to be alert during class tomorrow, especially since I blew off the last Neurochem and Research Design lectures.
I want to stop making dieting and food and weight this huge deal and lemonade keeps me in that place.
i was talking to Sophie today about my next step and I want to just eat well and try to eliminate emotional eating and guilt and I just dont want it to be this presence in my life. I am tempted to go on a diet now but I dont think that focusing on food like that is good for me. I want to be thin and I like looking good but I can look and feel good at more than one weight and I want to transition to being healthy and happy and not as pre-occupied with weight and food. Eat more fruits and vegetables, eat balanced meals and move away from processed foods and mindless eating. I want to try to exercise 3-4 times a week and I want to focus on being fit and healthy and start living moderately in a fashion that I can sustain, living in a way that doesn't exert all this mental energy on this stuff.
I know I also have to figure out a way to stop looking to my mom for approval in this regard. I went home today to take care of shoes and stuff for my gown and my mom told me " I dont want you to get annoyed but you look better". And I wanted her to notice. I was kind of excited to go home to see her reaction; Sophie asked me what my mom thought when I tried on the gown at Aunt Karen's (she wasn't there) because she knew that my attitude towards the gown was linked to my mom's attitude toward the gown. I need to stop that and I'm not sure how.
I have some notes to catch up on from the day I missed Neurochem but I am going to go to sleep instead. I will have to catch up later but I want to try and get a normal night's sleep as I have 2 classes tomorrow, my interview on Friday and Will's festivities this weekend (I think I am finally getting excited, I think it will be fun- or I hope it will be fun, I want it to be fun) and I went to bed late last night. Lia and I finished our presentation at 2 am and then I reviewed my notes from my last class and it was difficult to wake up. I think our presentation was fine. In the end we put it together in less than 3 hours and we just as easily could have sat down and did it the night we started (2 weeks earlier) instead of the night before it was due. Had we done it that way I could have went to Trivia Night last night with Daryl, Aurora and a bunch of other people. I would like to think that I will learn for next time- but I suspect I won't.
I should get to bed - I hope to get a lot done tomorrow - I need to take care of a bunch of stuff for will's wedding and associated parties and I would like to be alert during class tomorrow, especially since I blew off the last Neurochem and Research Design lectures.
posted by Zoe at 11:50 PM
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