Not sure

why I am still up or what I am thinking. It's kind of strange, I feel like I should be mulling things over but I'm not. I think I am just fine. I am a little freaked about this Holden thing but I love that kid so freakin much and I really just want him to be happy and I think that while it is weird for me that my much younger brother is bringing this chica home- him being happy can't make me anything other than happy. (also makes me feel like I should exercise and stop eating so I wont be fat spinster sister but not enough to actually make me stop eating so anorexia is not in my immediate future).
I saw a picture of all the girls in my family that was taken at my cousin's wedding and I looked cute, definitely fat but pretty- so I just have to stop being fat and then I will really be pretty. I see myself as cute or pretty sometimes- like while I was washing up tonight (well I wasnt wearing glasses) and sometimes i don't. And I know a big part of it is my perception- it can affect the reality of how other people see me.
Ok enough blathering- time to get some sleep- hopefully I will get to the beach tomorrow with Gracie