i'm kind of proud of myself
I'm feeling better - and it is because I have been trying to focus on working toward my goals. I spent the day working in lab (and I wrote the methods section for a paper) and I was super munchy and I munched on carrots and edamame and honeydew. I also put together a parlor meeting for eating disorder film over the past few days. We have a date, location, confirmed speakers and a committee- we can finish up the invitation tomorrow.
Things aren't amazing and I feel fat and I am waiting to hear about the job and I am going to have to apply to school but I am doing what I can do- and trying not to worry about what I can't do. Again, my mom made it sound like nothing goes my way and I just deserve a break and that just isn't true.
I was talking to Aunt karen tonight about dieting (I went there to borrow an outfit in case the gown I wore to Meg and Will's wedding won't fit) and I realized I really am trying something different. I am trying to commit to a healthier lifestyle. I am not creating a situation that I can't sustain. I want to be strong, healthy and fit and I am willing to take a slower, more sustainable path. I am also doing things differently in lab, I am not just showing up and doing my work. I am trying to push things forward and while I really like the prof and Meredith and I am having a good time with them and I am tempted to just stay here, where I am comfortable, I know i am not really interested in this research and I stayed for too long already because I liked it. I have to publish and move on. I also have to start reading journal articles so that I can really understand what is going on and make a significant contribution.
I am also kind of happy that I signed up to facilitate the next SAVI training (I really hope I have some experience at that point) and that I signed up to be a sponsor on womenforwomen.org. I heard the director speaking on NPR and I thought they were doing something cool and I decided to be a part of it.
Things aren't perfect but I am definitely happier and I am excited that I did that for myself. I took an active role. Bring on more therapy homework- I'm ready.
Things aren't amazing and I feel fat and I am waiting to hear about the job and I am going to have to apply to school but I am doing what I can do- and trying not to worry about what I can't do. Again, my mom made it sound like nothing goes my way and I just deserve a break and that just isn't true.
I was talking to Aunt karen tonight about dieting (I went there to borrow an outfit in case the gown I wore to Meg and Will's wedding won't fit) and I realized I really am trying something different. I am trying to commit to a healthier lifestyle. I am not creating a situation that I can't sustain. I want to be strong, healthy and fit and I am willing to take a slower, more sustainable path. I am also doing things differently in lab, I am not just showing up and doing my work. I am trying to push things forward and while I really like the prof and Meredith and I am having a good time with them and I am tempted to just stay here, where I am comfortable, I know i am not really interested in this research and I stayed for too long already because I liked it. I have to publish and move on. I also have to start reading journal articles so that I can really understand what is going on and make a significant contribution.
I am also kind of happy that I signed up to facilitate the next SAVI training (I really hope I have some experience at that point) and that I signed up to be a sponsor on womenforwomen.org. I heard the director speaking on NPR and I thought they were doing something cool and I decided to be a part of it.
Things aren't perfect but I am definitely happier and I am excited that I did that for myself. I took an active role. Bring on more therapy homework- I'm ready.
posted by Zoe at 1:01 AM
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