I'm surrounded by people and feel so alone

I'm sitting here with Meg, Will, Holden and Erin. And I know they love me and I love them so much but I feel so lonely and empty. I had a really great weekend which sadly ended with rejection. I wonder if it really was a really great weekend. It sounds like a great weekend and I definitely had a lot of good moments but I wonder about it.
I feel like there really is something wrong with me- I dont know. I am not behaving like someone who wants to get married and I guess I am not ready to get married but WHAT DO I WANT?
Am I keeping myself fat as some sort of buffer? Or now do I do other things (like running late today) so that I can feel like I got rejected for something other than being fat?
I'm trying to remember that Simon doesn't matter.
Ok I am all over the place- probably because my siblings are around. And they are all talking about dating. Holden has a date tomorrow night and Erin and Will are setting up two of their friends. Its funny because they date in this totally different world.