The non-sequitur - Take 2
This is my second attempt at this post. I had written the first section and then somehow (I am pretty much a techno-idiot) erased it. I'm not going to attempt to regurgitate that post so my recent book reviews and weekend activities will have to wait or go hang out with the other accidentally deleted masterpieces.
Am I insensitive to fears that I dont' have? If something doesn't bother me, do I think that it ought not to bother anyone else and if it does they should get over it? This seems to indicate a distinct lack of empathy, which will probably make it difficult to be an effective psychologist.
Spalding Gray kept a journal for seven years without missing a day- let's see how long I can go without missing a day of blogging. I dont even recall what is my longest stint of journal writing. I have kept my journals and I suppose I could look it up but I really haven't looked at my journals. I'm not sure why I feel the need to keep them. I guess I keep hoping that one day they will provide fodder for my great american novel or memoir. I'm not sure what I would write about, which is probably one of the reasons I haven't started- well that and my complete lack of discipline. I used to think that i wanted to write more than anything, I used to think I had something to say and that I was compelled to express myself. Not sure what happened to that girl.
I gave some guy from jdate my number and I haven't returned his call. I suspect that I am not going to and I feel a little hypocritical. I complain about the guys who don't call when they say they are going to or ask you on a second date and then disappear, etc. Is my behavior any better? Do we all navigate our way as best we can in this crazy world of dating and try to be honorable but also try to avoid awkwardness and reserve the right to change our minds? How much do we owe to someone we barely know- or is this just a sad attempt at justification? I know that our behavior should be dictated by our beliefs and should be consistent with our values. Charachter isnt about what is comfortable. I say I want someone with sterling charachter- do I have that? Do I really want that and would I be able to recognize it if I found it?
Still feeling fat but I got my period today and now I can tell myself that I"m bloated and it will go away. The way I think, you would assume that every month I gain 10 lbs from my period and then somehow it doesn't really go away. I am tired of feeling jealous and envious of thin girls and i'm tired of cloaking that envy in disdain. I find myself becoming irritated with girls who are thin and well-dressed. The was this cute, thin girl at Friday night services and Sat lunch and I know that I have never become friends with her because I have told myself that she couldn't be nice or fun or interesting and i hate that some of the guys I am friends with are friends with her as well. She is perfectly nice and I wonder if I would have warmed up to her if I met her when I was thin or at least thinner.
Am I insensitive to fears that I dont' have? If something doesn't bother me, do I think that it ought not to bother anyone else and if it does they should get over it? This seems to indicate a distinct lack of empathy, which will probably make it difficult to be an effective psychologist.
Spalding Gray kept a journal for seven years without missing a day- let's see how long I can go without missing a day of blogging. I dont even recall what is my longest stint of journal writing. I have kept my journals and I suppose I could look it up but I really haven't looked at my journals. I'm not sure why I feel the need to keep them. I guess I keep hoping that one day they will provide fodder for my great american novel or memoir. I'm not sure what I would write about, which is probably one of the reasons I haven't started- well that and my complete lack of discipline. I used to think that i wanted to write more than anything, I used to think I had something to say and that I was compelled to express myself. Not sure what happened to that girl.
I gave some guy from jdate my number and I haven't returned his call. I suspect that I am not going to and I feel a little hypocritical. I complain about the guys who don't call when they say they are going to or ask you on a second date and then disappear, etc. Is my behavior any better? Do we all navigate our way as best we can in this crazy world of dating and try to be honorable but also try to avoid awkwardness and reserve the right to change our minds? How much do we owe to someone we barely know- or is this just a sad attempt at justification? I know that our behavior should be dictated by our beliefs and should be consistent with our values. Charachter isnt about what is comfortable. I say I want someone with sterling charachter- do I have that? Do I really want that and would I be able to recognize it if I found it?
Still feeling fat but I got my period today and now I can tell myself that I"m bloated and it will go away. The way I think, you would assume that every month I gain 10 lbs from my period and then somehow it doesn't really go away. I am tired of feeling jealous and envious of thin girls and i'm tired of cloaking that envy in disdain. I find myself becoming irritated with girls who are thin and well-dressed. The was this cute, thin girl at Friday night services and Sat lunch and I know that I have never become friends with her because I have told myself that she couldn't be nice or fun or interesting and i hate that some of the guys I am friends with are friends with her as well. She is perfectly nice and I wonder if I would have warmed up to her if I met her when I was thin or at least thinner.
posted by Zoe at 1:12 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home