Excuses, excuses
I know I have been a lax blogger of late but I have really just had too little solitude and too little introspection- both of which are required for quality blog entry. I have also had limited sleep so I am going to go to bed shortly as I have a 6:30 swim date with Aunt Karen - also have had too little exercise. But I have been fairly good about taking vitamins and sticking to my diet.
A couple of random thoughts before bed-
1- Do i know my own worth and demand proper treatment? I am not sure. I think so and I think I am finally comfortable (more or less) in my own skin but I am not sure that I dont' sell myself short with guys- although giving and getting what you want (as log as everyone knows the score) doesn't fall under that rubric. On a related note, Seamus finally called back about a week and a half after I wrote him off- do I call him back? His message stated that he had been busy then sick then busy.
2- I have been trying to merge my public and private personas- I think it makes for a more coherent identity and makes me feel comfortable with myself but does that mean I am starting to give people access to intimate parts of me that they haven't earned? (see 1) Do I have to keep more private space or is this progress- I am not ashamed or disjointed.
3- I want people to read my blog (and comment) but I do see how it also limits me a bit as I can't always write about what I am thinking or feeling because it may have been triggered by someone else.
4- I am trying to accept that I am human - we alll are. We all feel things we aren't proud of, none of us are the best at eveything (rarely even anything) and we can't be perfect, we can't control our emotions and we can't even always be honest with ourselves (sometimes we don't know). We can't be everything all the time, we can be somethings all the time and some things some of the time and some things we can't be at all. I'm not sure this is making any sense- I think it does to mean - so I am going to put myself to bed now.
Emotional temp- Have been feeling fairly sedate and even keeled and quiet past few days- got a litle anxious today (mostly because I thought I should have and hadn't and perhaps because I wanted a reason to get some attention) but once I got some sleep I was back to sedate. It's nice not to anxious and unhappy but I also dont' feel energized and exhilirated either.
I have two posts that I have to finish from last week- hope to finish them tomorrow and return to more consistent blogging.
A couple of random thoughts before bed-
1- Do i know my own worth and demand proper treatment? I am not sure. I think so and I think I am finally comfortable (more or less) in my own skin but I am not sure that I dont' sell myself short with guys- although giving and getting what you want (as log as everyone knows the score) doesn't fall under that rubric. On a related note, Seamus finally called back about a week and a half after I wrote him off- do I call him back? His message stated that he had been busy then sick then busy.
2- I have been trying to merge my public and private personas- I think it makes for a more coherent identity and makes me feel comfortable with myself but does that mean I am starting to give people access to intimate parts of me that they haven't earned? (see 1) Do I have to keep more private space or is this progress- I am not ashamed or disjointed.
3- I want people to read my blog (and comment) but I do see how it also limits me a bit as I can't always write about what I am thinking or feeling because it may have been triggered by someone else.
4- I am trying to accept that I am human - we alll are. We all feel things we aren't proud of, none of us are the best at eveything (rarely even anything) and we can't be perfect, we can't control our emotions and we can't even always be honest with ourselves (sometimes we don't know). We can't be everything all the time, we can be somethings all the time and some things some of the time and some things we can't be at all. I'm not sure this is making any sense- I think it does to mean - so I am going to put myself to bed now.
Emotional temp- Have been feeling fairly sedate and even keeled and quiet past few days- got a litle anxious today (mostly because I thought I should have and hadn't and perhaps because I wanted a reason to get some attention) but once I got some sleep I was back to sedate. It's nice not to anxious and unhappy but I also dont' feel energized and exhilirated either.
I have two posts that I have to finish from last week- hope to finish them tomorrow and return to more consistent blogging.
posted by Zoe at 11:21 PM
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