Revolution
I am going to try to stop thinking and just be. I am tired of trying to figure out who I am and what I believe it is probably time to try being myself with the analysis. I think my life is getting a little too meta.
I went rafting today with a bunch of friends and had a great time and swam a couple of miles in the river. I felt great and then I think I saw Jeremy in the car next to me and it affected me more than I would like. I don't even think I liked him that much on our date. He was OK- cute and nice but nothing that I would have expected and there were a lot of silences on the date. If I am honest with myself I knew that I wanted to see him again and I am not quite sure why. If I stop to think about it, I don't think he is what I want or that it was such a great date. I might just be horny and maybe I am not really looking to get married now. I may be looking for guys that I don't neccesarily think have long term potential. The good news is I do feel like I was myself on the date and while I may be thinking I wasn't pretty or thin enough for him, I haven't been doing that much second guessing on my behavior. Maybe I need a break from dating, maybe I don't have the emotional energy for this hyperdating. The benefits of volume is that it makes the individual dates less loaded and I can be more relaxed.
I am trying to remember all the guys that rejected me in some form or fashion that i got over. This week's guys aren't even the best of the bunch. I got over bigger fish, I will get over these ones - even if rejection isn't a lot of fun in the moment.
I should go to sleep, I am swimming in the morning and then have therapy, then a facial and then going to see a friend's artwork. I have tickets at 7:15 to Infliction of Cruelty (at the moment it looks like I have an extra ticket, as Seamus never called me back to let me know if he was interested and Casey never confirmed either- if you are interested in seeing it- it was one of the plays in the Fringe Festival that was featured in NYT- let me know.) I know I am lucky and I have a good life. I had a good weekend - spending time with friends, have some downtime, getting drinks with juliet, rafting, swimming- I am going to try to go to bed happy.
Oh and appropos of nothing, I have been sort of confrontatial in my recent dreams. And for soem reason Caleb made an appearance.
I went rafting today with a bunch of friends and had a great time and swam a couple of miles in the river. I felt great and then I think I saw Jeremy in the car next to me and it affected me more than I would like. I don't even think I liked him that much on our date. He was OK- cute and nice but nothing that I would have expected and there were a lot of silences on the date. If I am honest with myself I knew that I wanted to see him again and I am not quite sure why. If I stop to think about it, I don't think he is what I want or that it was such a great date. I might just be horny and maybe I am not really looking to get married now. I may be looking for guys that I don't neccesarily think have long term potential. The good news is I do feel like I was myself on the date and while I may be thinking I wasn't pretty or thin enough for him, I haven't been doing that much second guessing on my behavior. Maybe I need a break from dating, maybe I don't have the emotional energy for this hyperdating. The benefits of volume is that it makes the individual dates less loaded and I can be more relaxed.
I am trying to remember all the guys that rejected me in some form or fashion that i got over. This week's guys aren't even the best of the bunch. I got over bigger fish, I will get over these ones - even if rejection isn't a lot of fun in the moment.
I should go to sleep, I am swimming in the morning and then have therapy, then a facial and then going to see a friend's artwork. I have tickets at 7:15 to Infliction of Cruelty (at the moment it looks like I have an extra ticket, as Seamus never called me back to let me know if he was interested and Casey never confirmed either- if you are interested in seeing it- it was one of the plays in the Fringe Festival that was featured in NYT- let me know.) I know I am lucky and I have a good life. I had a good weekend - spending time with friends, have some downtime, getting drinks with juliet, rafting, swimming- I am going to try to go to bed happy.
Oh and appropos of nothing, I have been sort of confrontatial in my recent dreams. And for soem reason Caleb made an appearance.
posted by Zoe at 1:14 AM
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