The tears just keep on coming

I went to T2GT today and spent the last 15 minutes crying - I was talking about Arnie and I realized that I really wasn't ready to let him go (not that I had a choice). Monday night I was thinking "I like you so much more than I should" but I didn't say it. I also didn't tell him that I would have slept with him if he wasn't leaving town- I didn't think we would end up together or even really date but I think I would have had a good experience with him and I was comfortable with him. T2GT told me that I am doing well and I am sad but that is normal.
I wonder if Lilah is right and the only develepoed emotional receptors I have are those for rejection. I am not sure, I thought that I was upset because I felt rejected but I dont' think that is it. I think I miss him and I wasn't ready to let him go. I thought I would have a little more time with him. I know that this time next week he would be gone either way and it is probably better to be less emotionally attached and spending more time with him would have only made me more attached. I know all that and still I want to see him and spend another night with him or a day. I totally don't get it. We aren't compatible and we are not what the other person is looking for and he isn't ready for a relationship but somehow I just felt close to him. And I really think that he felt close to me too. I am not sure what the attraction was on either end but I really did and do care about him. I miss his body and feeling like it was mine for a while and having a place to lay my head even just for a moment. I miss feeling comfortable with him. I am not sure what I liked about him- he is sweet and smart and sexy and sad in some ways- I am not sure if that is what I was drawn to but it didnt' feel pathological - it just felt tender. I don't think I realized how much I cared about him. I really don't get it and I know he isn't the last guy I will ever feel connected to and there were all these silences. I kind of want to just sit with him and study or just sleep in his apt and hear the ocean and I guess I wouldn't mind once last hook-up. I probably would have been more in the mood than tired on Monday had I known that I wasn't going to see him again. He offered to meet me to say goodbye and see this movie that I wanted to see but I declined b/c I felt like it would just be stilted and awkward but now I am kind of sorry.