Am I that girl?

I can't believe I'm that girl, the one who is smelling his t-shirt and deciding if I want to wear it because then it won't smell like him anymore. And I'm composing e-mails to him in my head that I know I will never send. I deleted his number from my phone and I dreamed about trying to remember it last night.
I went swimming tonight and just did 50 laps without stopping and tried to clear my head. It helped a bit.
Pacey has been texting me to come over and I'm kind of tempted just for the distraction but I know it is a bad idea. I keep thinking of all the things I didn't get to say to Arnie and all the things we didn't get to do.
I really should be studying Neuroanatomy now. I have a test on Tuesday and it is going to be rough. I'm sure I will be blogging later as I should be up pretty late studying and I keep getting distracted by my thoughts, which keep changing- I think I went through 17 attitude shifts during the 45 minutes I spent in the pool. And I wonder if he is even thinking of me.