Goodbyes
My appetite has been very much diminished over the last few days. I'm not sure what that is about but I should be taking advantage of it. Today, I swam for the first time in weeks and I worked out yesterday for the first time in weeks as well. Hopefully I am geting back on the exercise track. I hope that I won't be eating excessively over Sukkot even though my mom made amazing food. The good news is that all this stuff with Arnie hasn't been promoting emotional eating.
It feels really good to be hanging out with my family. I am happy to be home for Sukkot and I definitely will be partaking in the very fine wine my dad bought.
So Arnie is leaving tonight and I didn't see him. I waited until one pm to hear from him and then I drove home (crying the whole way but feeling good in a weird way- it was kind of exquisite. I guess intense emotions, even sadness, can be really beautiful and it can be great to experience them. I am happy I could feel it). I texted him to say goodbye and he texted back that he would call shortly but he called when I was helping my mom cook and he didn't leave a message so I guess that was goodbye. It's over and in some ways it was really great. He was really great and I think that I ended up learning really positive things about myself. I'm happy we had what we had. Of course part of me wants to hear from him again and I have this fantasy of him calling me when he gets back in town but i know that it won't happen and it is probably for the best. I think I am content. It's pretty amazing.
I would have prefered a different goodbye but I guess it is over all the same. I think that I treated him as I would want to be trated throughout our encounter and I think I said goodbye to him in the same vein. The only behavior I can control is my own so I could say the goodbye that I wanted to say and that is all I can do. I caught some of Dawson's Creek as I was cleaning my apt this morning and it was the one where Joey and Dawson say goodbye (or that is the last 10 minutes, which is all I say)- I'll admit it, i may have teared a bit. And i may have been a bit jealous. I was tempted to write Arnie a plane/ goodbye letter and say the kinds of things I would want him to say to me (but he won't say because he thinks it will make me sad and it will prolong our relationship) and tell him how he affected me and the person that I see when I look at him but I ran out of time and it might be for the best as I am not sure it would have been interpreted in the spirit in which it was intended.
Daddy is calling me- time for Shabbat.
It feels really good to be hanging out with my family. I am happy to be home for Sukkot and I definitely will be partaking in the very fine wine my dad bought.
So Arnie is leaving tonight and I didn't see him. I waited until one pm to hear from him and then I drove home (crying the whole way but feeling good in a weird way- it was kind of exquisite. I guess intense emotions, even sadness, can be really beautiful and it can be great to experience them. I am happy I could feel it). I texted him to say goodbye and he texted back that he would call shortly but he called when I was helping my mom cook and he didn't leave a message so I guess that was goodbye. It's over and in some ways it was really great. He was really great and I think that I ended up learning really positive things about myself. I'm happy we had what we had. Of course part of me wants to hear from him again and I have this fantasy of him calling me when he gets back in town but i know that it won't happen and it is probably for the best. I think I am content. It's pretty amazing.
I would have prefered a different goodbye but I guess it is over all the same. I think that I treated him as I would want to be trated throughout our encounter and I think I said goodbye to him in the same vein. The only behavior I can control is my own so I could say the goodbye that I wanted to say and that is all I can do. I caught some of Dawson's Creek as I was cleaning my apt this morning and it was the one where Joey and Dawson say goodbye (or that is the last 10 minutes, which is all I say)- I'll admit it, i may have teared a bit. And i may have been a bit jealous. I was tempted to write Arnie a plane/ goodbye letter and say the kinds of things I would want him to say to me (but he won't say because he thinks it will make me sad and it will prolong our relationship) and tell him how he affected me and the person that I see when I look at him but I ran out of time and it might be for the best as I am not sure it would have been interpreted in the spirit in which it was intended.
Daddy is calling me- time for Shabbat.
posted by Zoe at 6:03 PM
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