It hurts

He really left without saying goodbye. And wow does it hurt. I knew it might happen and I knew he would be gone tonight one way or another and I know that there are so many ways in which we are not right for each other and I know that there is nothing wrong with me but I am having trouble breathing right now. I left him Thursday morning, kissed him on the forehead, whispered goodbye and went to class. I didn’t realize that would really be it. i can count on two hands the number of times we hung out and we barely spoke on the phone and I don’t even think I knew I really cared until about a week ago and even then I vacillated but this hurts. Having fun with my family can only help so much - dinner was great and then as I realized his plane was taking off I had to retreat to my room. I am sitting on the floor next to my bed with tears running down my cheeks, typing and I hear the sounds of Erin, Holden and Will’s conversation. I know I will be OK but I’m just sad now. I’m still happy I met him and that we connected but I can’t help wishing I had at least gotten to see him today. I want this trip to be amazing for him and for this job to work out well but part of me wants it to be bad (not terrible and not truamatizing) but bad enough that he will come back after the 10 day feeling out period. I know he is excited to move on and start this new exciting phase of his life and I think it will be good for him but I miss him. I dont’ reallly think we would work out if he were here but I still miss him. I’m going to take a page out of his book and take a sleeping pill and go to sleep now.