Second Guessing

i am wondering if this was all in my head- did he connect wtih me too? I keep hearing him tell me he missed me on teh phone on Thursday night and thinking about the text he sent me that night but I also keep thinking about how he told me he didn’t want us to get any closer and that he has intimacy issues. And I dont’ know what to believe in- I dont’ know wht was real and what i talked myself into to and what he felt about me. I mean seriously it was all of 3 weeks and I had been going on dates with Bernard during that time and he had one foot out the door. It started as this hook up was it really ever anything else? It felt different but I’m not that experienced- what do I know? I guess I know that I feel my heart hurting but maybe I did this to myself- and maybe I was in this alone. He told me he wouldn’t tell me what he thought because it would make me sad and I wanted him to anyway- and now I wonder, would knowing how he felt make me feel better or worse? i really should be studying now although I am finding it difficult to focus. I deleted him number from my phone and the texts I had from him and I have to delete the emails he sent me and his email address. He left his sweats and tshirt in my car, I have to decide what to do with them and decide when to read the book he gave me - it has his underlines in it so i’m not sure i’m ready to go there. i dont want to banish his existence but I dont want to harbor any illusions that I will be hearing from him again.
And I know that he told me that I did everything right and he is the one wiht intimacy issues but i can’t help wondering how to do things differently. and I know T2GT told me that it is too short a time to draw someone to you but I still wonder why I am so easy to leave, even as I know that it is a ridiculous question. I know i am a good person and I know that I can connect wtih people and Im proud of my ED work and I think I feel good about moving forward in school- I think things will be ok (although I do have to stop eating- have been eating WAY too much today and moving too little)- I know things will be OK adn I knwo the right guy is worth waiting for, i just get impatient sometimes. And I kept help wondering- is Arnie thinking of me? Does he miss me too? I know that a new place can be really exciting and distracting and there is so much that is different- but did I make an impression on him. I was reading the op-eds today and thought that he would really appreciate a particular one and woudl have forwarded it to him if I didn’t know what a really bad idea that was- esp since i know he won’t respond and I will not initiate contact with him that i think is unwelcome and will not be responded to- I am retaining some measure of pride and self-preservation.