Stress
Feeling a bit stressed about school and applications. I know that I generally get this way around this time of the semester. Years ago I complained to a friend of mine about final stress and he basically told me that I do this every semester and every semester I do fine. I keep reminding myself about that when I start getting crazy. One of the people I was studying with today told me that she felt the stress coming off me on her side of the table.
I thought I would be able to leave class early today for a meeting that I was supposed to attend. I just couldn't get out of class in time to make it. I realized that I will have to miss another board meeting (different organization) next week as I have a test at the same time. I have another meeting that I must be at tomorrow night. Sigh...things will be SO much calmer in a few weeks. I just have to get through stats exam and neuroanatomy paper next week. I think I am fairly prepared for my Neuroanatomy tomorrow morning. I will go back to reviewing now and have make a swim date so I will wake up early tomorrow and get in my last minute studying.
I tried some stress reduction cardio tonight- also have finished day 3 of my pre-wedding diet.
At this point I am pretty much rambling as I wait for my atlas pictures to print. I should be doing some work. Two and a half weeks of solid work and I can do well this semester. I think if I get my butt in gear I can still get all As and maybe a couple of A+s.
I had dinner with Joan and Bobby last night. It was really good to see them. I was catching up with Joan and she was telling me that I look good but like I have this underlying sadness. I realized she was right. That is what is going on with me now. As I walked to my car I realized that I was OK. I wasn't miserable or depressed or amazing or anything else. I was just OK at the moment and that was fine.
Joan and I were talking about schools and applications and I was saying that I could go to Harvard or Yale on my best day and do really well- but I am not always having my best days and I don't know if I will have 5 years of best days. It is unlikely. I might not like it but it is the truth. I may need to be in a program with a bit more leeway to have a couple of bad days because they are going to come. Graduate school is rigorous and I can't let things slack for a long period of time in any program. I am trying to decide if staying in my program is the best course of action. I'm comfortable and there are a lot of benefits to staying but am I convincing myself because I am too lazy to apply elsewhere?
Talking to Joan made me a think about a couple of things- like this concept of my best self. I was saying that I missed Arnie because I miss how he makes me feel about myself and the self I am when I am with him. I was saying how that is really my best self not the best self I was refering to earlier that evening when I was talking about going to Harvard. I guess that it what we often miss about people- the way they see us, the person we are in their eyes. There is a great scene in Playing by Heart in which Sean Connery and Gena Rowlands discuss that concept. The idea that we are really falling in love with ourselves through that person's eyes.
Finished printing... more random musings later
I thought I would be able to leave class early today for a meeting that I was supposed to attend. I just couldn't get out of class in time to make it. I realized that I will have to miss another board meeting (different organization) next week as I have a test at the same time. I have another meeting that I must be at tomorrow night. Sigh...things will be SO much calmer in a few weeks. I just have to get through stats exam and neuroanatomy paper next week. I think I am fairly prepared for my Neuroanatomy tomorrow morning. I will go back to reviewing now and have make a swim date so I will wake up early tomorrow and get in my last minute studying.
I tried some stress reduction cardio tonight- also have finished day 3 of my pre-wedding diet.
At this point I am pretty much rambling as I wait for my atlas pictures to print. I should be doing some work. Two and a half weeks of solid work and I can do well this semester. I think if I get my butt in gear I can still get all As and maybe a couple of A+s.
I had dinner with Joan and Bobby last night. It was really good to see them. I was catching up with Joan and she was telling me that I look good but like I have this underlying sadness. I realized she was right. That is what is going on with me now. As I walked to my car I realized that I was OK. I wasn't miserable or depressed or amazing or anything else. I was just OK at the moment and that was fine.
Joan and I were talking about schools and applications and I was saying that I could go to Harvard or Yale on my best day and do really well- but I am not always having my best days and I don't know if I will have 5 years of best days. It is unlikely. I might not like it but it is the truth. I may need to be in a program with a bit more leeway to have a couple of bad days because they are going to come. Graduate school is rigorous and I can't let things slack for a long period of time in any program. I am trying to decide if staying in my program is the best course of action. I'm comfortable and there are a lot of benefits to staying but am I convincing myself because I am too lazy to apply elsewhere?
Talking to Joan made me a think about a couple of things- like this concept of my best self. I was saying that I missed Arnie because I miss how he makes me feel about myself and the self I am when I am with him. I was saying how that is really my best self not the best self I was refering to earlier that evening when I was talking about going to Harvard. I guess that it what we often miss about people- the way they see us, the person we are in their eyes. There is a great scene in Playing by Heart in which Sean Connery and Gena Rowlands discuss that concept. The idea that we are really falling in love with ourselves through that person's eyes.
Finished printing... more random musings later
posted by Zoe at 10:53 PM
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