I should be studying but...
...I'm tired and having trouble focusing on work. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep and the sleep I have been getting has been of fairly poor quality.
..I'm distracted by second guessing myself- Carl came over last night and we didn't really connect in person the way we had been on the phone or online- I'm not sure if we just don't have chemistry or if I was tired and distracted and if ordering dinner to my apt with the TV on in the background and still attempting to study was just a situation doomed to failure. The whole thing made me miss Arnie, I think I really miss feeling like I am spending time with someone who thinks I'm beautiful. I've been thinking about Arnie recently anyway- I have this odd premonition that he is in town, not sure why I think so and I know I'm not actually right about it but it's weird. I would like to see Carl again, I don't feel like I was myself with him, I don't feel like he got to see me. Maybe I shouldn't be second guessing- maybe it just isn't right and there is nothing I could have done about it. I did like him- he was cute and smart and he thinks for himself and he thinks about things. It would be nice to try and have a more traditional date, when I am not exhausted and dont' have an exam the next morning and am not coming from my cousin's engagement party (all of which was my fault- in the sense that i knew all of that and I probably should have stuck with my original impulse to reschedule the date).
...I'm also more distracted than I thought I was going to be by this rush of engagements in my family. Konstantin got engaged on Sat night and Karen and JR threw a HUGE, fancy engagement party last night. Another cousin got engaged last night and Will is getting engaged shortly. In the next few months (apparently everyone is looking at March) I will have a bunch of weddings. I must start dieting for real. I refuse to be older, fat cousin/sister spinster. I thought I was just excited for everyone yesterday but today I realized how weird it is for me, even if I don't want it to be. Konstantin is engaged to a religious girl and is sort of falling in line with the family (not entirely of course) and now I feel like I am the lone black sheep in the family which is OK and I really do feel loved (it was nice to see everyone last night at the party and I do think I'm comfortable being myself with everyone) but I guess it is also kind of weird for me.
All right time to try to get some work done again.
I have been walking and day one of my diet is going strong- made swim date with Karen as well. Time to get back to "fighting weight".
..I'm distracted by second guessing myself- Carl came over last night and we didn't really connect in person the way we had been on the phone or online- I'm not sure if we just don't have chemistry or if I was tired and distracted and if ordering dinner to my apt with the TV on in the background and still attempting to study was just a situation doomed to failure. The whole thing made me miss Arnie, I think I really miss feeling like I am spending time with someone who thinks I'm beautiful. I've been thinking about Arnie recently anyway- I have this odd premonition that he is in town, not sure why I think so and I know I'm not actually right about it but it's weird. I would like to see Carl again, I don't feel like I was myself with him, I don't feel like he got to see me. Maybe I shouldn't be second guessing- maybe it just isn't right and there is nothing I could have done about it. I did like him- he was cute and smart and he thinks for himself and he thinks about things. It would be nice to try and have a more traditional date, when I am not exhausted and dont' have an exam the next morning and am not coming from my cousin's engagement party (all of which was my fault- in the sense that i knew all of that and I probably should have stuck with my original impulse to reschedule the date).
...I'm also more distracted than I thought I was going to be by this rush of engagements in my family. Konstantin got engaged on Sat night and Karen and JR threw a HUGE, fancy engagement party last night. Another cousin got engaged last night and Will is getting engaged shortly. In the next few months (apparently everyone is looking at March) I will have a bunch of weddings. I must start dieting for real. I refuse to be older, fat cousin/sister spinster. I thought I was just excited for everyone yesterday but today I realized how weird it is for me, even if I don't want it to be. Konstantin is engaged to a religious girl and is sort of falling in line with the family (not entirely of course) and now I feel like I am the lone black sheep in the family which is OK and I really do feel loved (it was nice to see everyone last night at the party and I do think I'm comfortable being myself with everyone) but I guess it is also kind of weird for me.
All right time to try to get some work done again.
I have been walking and day one of my diet is going strong- made swim date with Karen as well. Time to get back to "fighting weight".
posted by Zoe at 3:56 PM
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