The Knowing and Believing Disconnect

i know that I will find someone who appreciates me and I know that I deserve it but somehow I am not sure if I really believe it. There is no reason that it shouldn't happen but I suppose that I just don't always feel it. I rarely feel beautiful, even when Arnie told me I was and I liked hearing it I don't think I really felt it. Do I really believe that I am going to meet someone who really wants me? I wonder. If I really believed it would i have been willing to settle for feeling like Arnie wanted me a little? Did I even really feel like he wanted me? It's not like I think there is anything wrong with me. I think I am capable of feeling appreciated and I guess i did with Arnie and with Bernard for a while but ... I don't know. I just feel like I am not sure that I can really believe it, that i really can belive it will happen and that I will really be able to believe it when it does. I'm not sure I am making sense here, even to me.
I know that letting go of Arnie was the right thing to do but it still hurts me.
In other news i did really well on my neurophysiology midterm- not so sure about stats (i've been studying and exhausted which is why i have been MIA- I think I have also been emotionally drained as well).
I am going a wee road trip this weekend to punkin chunkin- www.punkinchunkin.com - I should be working on applications but i also feel like I need to get out of town. I've been fairly good about stayiing on top of schoolwork and using my time productively.
I need to get more on top of exercising. Now i need to go and be more on top of reading for SAVI.
I feel like I have a lot to say but I can't remember it right now.
Oh I met Carl on Jdate- we've been chatting for the past couple of days- so far, he seems good, we'll see.