The rest of my night and notes from earlier in the week
Cleaned my room and my apt
Read 1.5 articles (of 5) for my paper
Took a long shower (long for me anyway)
Organized my notes and typed up some of them
Text flirted with Pacey and didn't go up there to take him up on his offer of some (what he promised would be spectacular) play and sleeping over ( I miss sleeping in a big bed with a guy but not enough to drive up to UWS at 3 am, I do miss it though and kissing and hooking up and all of it)
Did not eat the ice cream in my freezer (you would be correct if you thought that it shouldnt' even be there)
Monday night
* I do want to hear from Daryl but I should also remember that many guys have figured out how to be religious on their own terms and the date was comfortable but it wasn't amazing.
* I should remember that there is lots of good foundation in me and in NY- it's OK to want to stay.
* I want someone who wants me and I should wait for that. I should wait for someone who get excited and sustains it.
* I don't have to be amazing
* I was tempted to write a letter to Arnie that I wouldnt' send (I have written a bunch of those but not in the past couple of months) because I remembered all these things he said to me that made me smile and feel good but then I remembered the things he said that made me feel less good and I remembered how he didn't want me enough (that is the salient point not how much he did want me, it wasn't enough) and the impulse passed.
Wednesday night
* I'm sad but I'm not really depressed (which is new for me, sad and functional, although I did use it as license not to do anything today after exam and therapy until I called in to conference call)
* I miss my old tricks of hibernation and dissassociation- this just sucks and hanging out with my siblings tonight didnt' have any effect at all. Maybe i'm just tired. maybe i'll feel better when I wake up.
Read 1.5 articles (of 5) for my paper
Took a long shower (long for me anyway)
Organized my notes and typed up some of them
Text flirted with Pacey and didn't go up there to take him up on his offer of some (what he promised would be spectacular) play and sleeping over ( I miss sleeping in a big bed with a guy but not enough to drive up to UWS at 3 am, I do miss it though and kissing and hooking up and all of it)
Did not eat the ice cream in my freezer (you would be correct if you thought that it shouldnt' even be there)
Monday night
* I do want to hear from Daryl but I should also remember that many guys have figured out how to be religious on their own terms and the date was comfortable but it wasn't amazing.
* I should remember that there is lots of good foundation in me and in NY- it's OK to want to stay.
* I want someone who wants me and I should wait for that. I should wait for someone who get excited and sustains it.
* I don't have to be amazing
* I was tempted to write a letter to Arnie that I wouldnt' send (I have written a bunch of those but not in the past couple of months) because I remembered all these things he said to me that made me smile and feel good but then I remembered the things he said that made me feel less good and I remembered how he didn't want me enough (that is the salient point not how much he did want me, it wasn't enough) and the impulse passed.
Wednesday night
* I'm sad but I'm not really depressed (which is new for me, sad and functional, although I did use it as license not to do anything today after exam and therapy until I called in to conference call)
* I miss my old tricks of hibernation and dissassociation- this just sucks and hanging out with my siblings tonight didnt' have any effect at all. Maybe i'm just tired. maybe i'll feel better when I wake up.
posted by Zoe at 12:05 AM
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