Figuring it out and making it work
I had a really nice Rosh Hashana at my parents house and I think it was because I was able to take the parts that are meaningful to me and appreciate them and tolerate the rest enough that I didn't antagonize my parents. And I don't feel guilty about the things I am not doing or the parts of the holiday that aren't meaningful to me. I think I am learning to make my peace with God and be an observant Jew on my terms (even if those aren't terms that most Jews who consider themselves observant would recognize).
Today was a good in balance day- taking it from on paper to in my life. I woke up at a reasonable time, did 30 minutes of cardio and 25 minutes of weights, had an eating disorder related meeting, went to lab- got some work done, took care of some work for my class, had dinner with Will and Meg who just came back from Israel, went to Rockstar Karaoke with Juliet, my male doppelganger, his girlfriend and a couple of their friends (I did NOT perform but I just might next time I go) and caught up with Sam and Elle on the phone and played phone tag with Lilah and Gracie, and did some non-scholastic but really interesting reading (memoir of someone with disassociative identity disorder)- I'll take more days like this. Not perfect but moving in the right direction. I have work and research meeting tomorrow and I have to prepare for a presentation with Lia so tomorrow has potential. I also need to make some more headway on my "to do" list.
I definitely could be more productive but I'm proud of myself anyway. I am happy that I am making an attempt to get out and meet new people not just hang out with my crowd. I can't complain that I want to be a relationship and the closest I have been to date in 2 months is dinner and drinks with my new Indian friend at Sinai (although it was vaguely datey and he did email me to ask me to a movie later that week) and then just hang out with my friends. I need to attempt to get a bit more and I did that tonight (sure I took Juliet as insurance) when I met up with MD (male doppelganger- i don't remember the alias I assigned him when we went on our two dates last winter or when we went to dinner during restaurant week) and his friends (his friends were all female but were all really cool) and I had a great time. I think I am content and I am not going to overthink it.
A boyfriend would be great but I am not going to send my resume to my mom so she can send it to random religious matchmakers- like the one she introduced me to at my cousin's party. She told me this guy was "modern" as he wore shorts in the summer. My mom assured her that it wouldn't be a problem for me-- um yeah that wouldn't be a problem. however, i think the fact that we seem to be living in different universes may prove a tad tricky for me. Striking a balance between proactive and desperate and openminded and undefined--and most importantly between living my life my way and pursuing my goals and independence and still making reasonable efforts to expand my social network. I think I am doing OK and if not I'm confident that I will figure it out somehow.
Today was a good in balance day- taking it from on paper to in my life. I woke up at a reasonable time, did 30 minutes of cardio and 25 minutes of weights, had an eating disorder related meeting, went to lab- got some work done, took care of some work for my class, had dinner with Will and Meg who just came back from Israel, went to Rockstar Karaoke with Juliet, my male doppelganger, his girlfriend and a couple of their friends (I did NOT perform but I just might next time I go) and caught up with Sam and Elle on the phone and played phone tag with Lilah and Gracie, and did some non-scholastic but really interesting reading (memoir of someone with disassociative identity disorder)- I'll take more days like this. Not perfect but moving in the right direction. I have work and research meeting tomorrow and I have to prepare for a presentation with Lia so tomorrow has potential. I also need to make some more headway on my "to do" list.
I definitely could be more productive but I'm proud of myself anyway. I am happy that I am making an attempt to get out and meet new people not just hang out with my crowd. I can't complain that I want to be a relationship and the closest I have been to date in 2 months is dinner and drinks with my new Indian friend at Sinai (although it was vaguely datey and he did email me to ask me to a movie later that week) and then just hang out with my friends. I need to attempt to get a bit more and I did that tonight (sure I took Juliet as insurance) when I met up with MD (male doppelganger- i don't remember the alias I assigned him when we went on our two dates last winter or when we went to dinner during restaurant week) and his friends (his friends were all female but were all really cool) and I had a great time. I think I am content and I am not going to overthink it.
A boyfriend would be great but I am not going to send my resume to my mom so she can send it to random religious matchmakers- like the one she introduced me to at my cousin's party. She told me this guy was "modern" as he wore shorts in the summer. My mom assured her that it wouldn't be a problem for me-- um yeah that wouldn't be a problem. however, i think the fact that we seem to be living in different universes may prove a tad tricky for me. Striking a balance between proactive and desperate and openminded and undefined--and most importantly between living my life my way and pursuing my goals and independence and still making reasonable efforts to expand my social network. I think I am doing OK and if not I'm confident that I will figure it out somehow.
posted by Zoe at 2:06 AM
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