What a fabulous weekend!
I picked Lilah up from the airport, swam outdoors, hung out with my friend from Israel, had lunch with another friend, went to Kleinfelds with Lilah and then cruised home in Daddy's convertible- I love driving with the top down. I had 15 people for the weekend at my parents house including Sarah, Gracie, Emmet, Vinny, Trudy and her boy and other fun people. We just had a great time. Lots of food, lots of alcohol, lots of laughing, lots of chilling, lots of rest- just all good. Some people stayed over on Sat night and we went swimming. Today I went to Joan's parents beach house which was so much fun. It was just a beautiful day and then I worked out at Karen's house and came back to the city in time to meet friends for dinner and then meet Lilah for birthday drinks. I feel like I was really able to engage in the moment and enjoy it. I have been so busy and I have been seeing so many friends (thursday i had dinner with one friend, dessert with another and then hung out with a whole other crew) and while I have been loving it, I don't really feel like I have been completing in the moment, I have been doing so much and have been so overbooked that I have had half an eye out on my next activity or I have been busy booking up all my time that I haven't completely been there. I feel like I did a better job of being present this weekend and just enjoying where I am and what I am doing. Next step is to stop feeling compelled to be busy every minute- it is OK to spend a night alone at home, I don't have to be booked every second. I also feel like I need to turn off my internal inspector to a certain extent. I have to be able to just be doing something without hyper-processing it and putting in some kind of context.
I start externship training tomorrow and I have my first patient on Thursday. I also have a ton of stuff going on with the film this week and I would like to exercise daily- I have been consistently exercising for the past 5 days or so. I want to keep it up and also revert to good eating habits of last 2 weeks- I ate a ton this weekend and ended up feeling sick. I realized that I hadn't felt sick in a few weeks and my stomach has been a lot better- that is good motivation to eat well because debilitating stomach pains are not fun.
On the guy front- Vinny clarified that he is just looking to be friends and I have actually been trying to help him find a position in NY as a few opportunities have crossed my path and I want to pay it forward. He came this weekend but ended up having to go back unexpectedly- I am not sure if he had a good time. I know that everyone else who was there this weekend did but I am not sure about him. I wanted him to enjoy himself as I wanted to be a good hostess but I wasn't invested in his good time the same way that I might have been had we been dating. But I was happy that he came and I do hope that he had a good time (and we may have snuggled when I couldnt sleep- but just snuggling - which isn't to say that I might not have been open to something else in a friends with benefits kind of way. It is kind of hard to negotiate these things because I dont want him to feel like he has to hook up with me because he is a guest in my house or because I have been helping him get a job- I really don't want to feel like a john. And he may be feeling like he can't really initiate because that makes him a jerk since he told me that he isn't interested in a relationship. and while his reasoning vis a vis pursuing a relationship makes sense, of course there is a part of me that feels like it would be different if he just liked me more- although I am not sure I would really want to pursue a relationship either. I do have to say that it doesn't affect my self concept or self esteem the way it once would have. I remain confident in myself and in what I have to offer. I feel like anyone who is with me is damn lucky and anyone who doesn't want to be with me is missing out - Well I can maintain feeling that way most of the time and I will take that.
I think I am seeing Wally for our third date on Tuesday night- getting together has been tough due to our schedules. I had a nice time with him last Wednesday and he was a total gentleman and sweetie (he offered to buy both Icee colors when I couldn't decide which one I wanted). A friend of mine is working on setting me up with a doctor friend of hers- she is trying to figure out if he might be too religious for me but I told her I thought it might be worth a date. And one of the guys from Jdate wants to meet for drinks this week so I am definitely making some progress and I have been kicking butt in the dating game (which Sanjay wants me to expand- like maybe have a website- thecrazydatinggame.com and write an article for modern love in the sunday styles)- I have been getting a lot of points by setting people up like Sam and Sarah.
OK I have to go wash up and do my crossword in bed as I have to be at training in the am and I also have to fold and put away laundry.
I start externship training tomorrow and I have my first patient on Thursday. I also have a ton of stuff going on with the film this week and I would like to exercise daily- I have been consistently exercising for the past 5 days or so. I want to keep it up and also revert to good eating habits of last 2 weeks- I ate a ton this weekend and ended up feeling sick. I realized that I hadn't felt sick in a few weeks and my stomach has been a lot better- that is good motivation to eat well because debilitating stomach pains are not fun.
On the guy front- Vinny clarified that he is just looking to be friends and I have actually been trying to help him find a position in NY as a few opportunities have crossed my path and I want to pay it forward. He came this weekend but ended up having to go back unexpectedly- I am not sure if he had a good time. I know that everyone else who was there this weekend did but I am not sure about him. I wanted him to enjoy himself as I wanted to be a good hostess but I wasn't invested in his good time the same way that I might have been had we been dating. But I was happy that he came and I do hope that he had a good time (and we may have snuggled when I couldnt sleep- but just snuggling - which isn't to say that I might not have been open to something else in a friends with benefits kind of way. It is kind of hard to negotiate these things because I dont want him to feel like he has to hook up with me because he is a guest in my house or because I have been helping him get a job- I really don't want to feel like a john. And he may be feeling like he can't really initiate because that makes him a jerk since he told me that he isn't interested in a relationship. and while his reasoning vis a vis pursuing a relationship makes sense, of course there is a part of me that feels like it would be different if he just liked me more- although I am not sure I would really want to pursue a relationship either. I do have to say that it doesn't affect my self concept or self esteem the way it once would have. I remain confident in myself and in what I have to offer. I feel like anyone who is with me is damn lucky and anyone who doesn't want to be with me is missing out - Well I can maintain feeling that way most of the time and I will take that.
I think I am seeing Wally for our third date on Tuesday night- getting together has been tough due to our schedules. I had a nice time with him last Wednesday and he was a total gentleman and sweetie (he offered to buy both Icee colors when I couldn't decide which one I wanted). A friend of mine is working on setting me up with a doctor friend of hers- she is trying to figure out if he might be too religious for me but I told her I thought it might be worth a date. And one of the guys from Jdate wants to meet for drinks this week so I am definitely making some progress and I have been kicking butt in the dating game (which Sanjay wants me to expand- like maybe have a website- thecrazydatinggame.com and write an article for modern love in the sunday styles)- I have been getting a lot of points by setting people up like Sam and Sarah.
OK I have to go wash up and do my crossword in bed as I have to be at training in the am and I also have to fold and put away laundry.
posted by Zoe at 12:33 AM
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