Let's talk about sex
I was talking to someone about my eating disorder project last week and we were talking about the fact that so many guys seem to have it wrong regarding what makes for a good sexual experience. A guy once told a friend of mine that since he will only sleep with one girl, he wants her to be gorgeous. I understand his thinking but I think it is a little misguided. If you are only going to sleep with one person (more on that later)than I would think you would want them to be a sexual goddess. I don't think being thin makes you a sexual goddess, I think being comfortable with your body and sexuality and having good technique makes you a sexual goddess. (anyone who would like to train to be a sexual goddess with me is welcome to join me for August 20th 8 pm class at babeland). Someone wise has pointed out that appetites are appetites and people with ravenous appetites are ravenous, people will extreme self control are controlled. Which isn't to say that you can't be thin and highly sexual or good in bed, I just mean that mean that many people who enjoy sensual experiences, like eating, enjoy sensual experiences, in general.
As I mentioned another quality that I think helps is being comfortable with your body so if you can't be comfortable with your body if you are overweight, then perhaps you should lose weight or get in shape. I personally think it is important to be in shape so that you feel well and you have a good amount of flexibility. However, if you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, often losing 10 or 20 pounds isn't going to make the difference, I think it is about feeling good and sending that vibe. My sister was telling me about this speech she was listening to about the power of vibes. I don't need to hear a speech, I have observed the power of vibes and confidence. I think if you are comfortable with yourself and feel good, you radiate that and if you gain 10 pounds and still think you are sexy and act like you are sexy people will believe it. People respond to confidence. So how do you get it if you don't have it? A couple of ideas- one is from Carrie- wear sexy underwear, it is your little secret (another more painful option along those lines is going Brazilian). Also I am looking for someone to check out www.theartofexoticdancing.com with me- they have classes that are all about feeling beautiful, regardless of what you look like. And I think we can help each other- If you feel good, you look good so often when someone asks us if they look fat in something before they go on a date, it may be better to tell me that they look great and this way they won't feel self-conscious. Make them believe that they look great, (regardless of your opinion on the outfit, as I think getting into a changing frenzy doesn't take you anywhere good) and then hopefully they will act like they look great and the guy will respond as if they do.
So, I never thought I would have pre-marital sex, I am just not that kind of girl. But now as I am approaching, I am starting to wonder, do I want to be the 30 year old virgin? What exactly am I saving myself for? Married friends have revealed the myth of the wedding night. Do I really think that the guy I marry will care if I have had sex with someone else? I thought I would care if my husband was sexually experienced and now I realize that I don't care. In fact, it might be better if he knows what he is doing. I think it will still be different if we are married. I guess that really begs the question about separating sex from emotion- are women capable? Am I capable? Will I start to think I have feelings for someone that I don't really care about? Will meaningless sex make me feel cheap? My experiences with Pacey are teaching me about separating emotions and sexual activity- is that a good thing?
When I was thinking about it later, I realized that I think RMDPHDS was hinting that he wanted to come up when he dropped me off. Madeleine said it was better that I didn't get it because it is best not to go there on a first date. Would I have asked him up if I realized that is what he was getting at? I do think it is better for your relationship to go slowly and earn milestones but can I do that? Why do I really think that slow builds a better relationship? Am I right? And if I am, I guess I hope I have the conviction to make that commitment to my future relationship. I'm not so good at this patience and ambiguity stuff but I guess I have to learn to be better at it.
Also I was thinking if I didn't hear from RMDPHDS again would I feel like an idiot if I invited him up or if I wasn't going to see him again would I have preferred to just get some?
As I mentioned another quality that I think helps is being comfortable with your body so if you can't be comfortable with your body if you are overweight, then perhaps you should lose weight or get in shape. I personally think it is important to be in shape so that you feel well and you have a good amount of flexibility. However, if you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, often losing 10 or 20 pounds isn't going to make the difference, I think it is about feeling good and sending that vibe. My sister was telling me about this speech she was listening to about the power of vibes. I don't need to hear a speech, I have observed the power of vibes and confidence. I think if you are comfortable with yourself and feel good, you radiate that and if you gain 10 pounds and still think you are sexy and act like you are sexy people will believe it. People respond to confidence. So how do you get it if you don't have it? A couple of ideas- one is from Carrie- wear sexy underwear, it is your little secret (another more painful option along those lines is going Brazilian). Also I am looking for someone to check out www.theartofexoticdancing.com with me- they have classes that are all about feeling beautiful, regardless of what you look like. And I think we can help each other- If you feel good, you look good so often when someone asks us if they look fat in something before they go on a date, it may be better to tell me that they look great and this way they won't feel self-conscious. Make them believe that they look great, (regardless of your opinion on the outfit, as I think getting into a changing frenzy doesn't take you anywhere good) and then hopefully they will act like they look great and the guy will respond as if they do.
So, I never thought I would have pre-marital sex, I am just not that kind of girl. But now as I am approaching, I am starting to wonder, do I want to be the 30 year old virgin? What exactly am I saving myself for? Married friends have revealed the myth of the wedding night. Do I really think that the guy I marry will care if I have had sex with someone else? I thought I would care if my husband was sexually experienced and now I realize that I don't care. In fact, it might be better if he knows what he is doing. I think it will still be different if we are married. I guess that really begs the question about separating sex from emotion- are women capable? Am I capable? Will I start to think I have feelings for someone that I don't really care about? Will meaningless sex make me feel cheap? My experiences with Pacey are teaching me about separating emotions and sexual activity- is that a good thing?
When I was thinking about it later, I realized that I think RMDPHDS was hinting that he wanted to come up when he dropped me off. Madeleine said it was better that I didn't get it because it is best not to go there on a first date. Would I have asked him up if I realized that is what he was getting at? I do think it is better for your relationship to go slowly and earn milestones but can I do that? Why do I really think that slow builds a better relationship? Am I right? And if I am, I guess I hope I have the conviction to make that commitment to my future relationship. I'm not so good at this patience and ambiguity stuff but I guess I have to learn to be better at it.
Also I was thinking if I didn't hear from RMDPHDS again would I feel like an idiot if I invited him up or if I wasn't going to see him again would I have preferred to just get some?
posted by Zoe at 7:43 PM
2 Comments:
Here are some links that I believe will be interested
I'm impressed with your site, very nice graphics!
»
Post a Comment
<< Home