Just when I think I'm getting better...
I realize that I am kidding myself and I am not sure that things ever fundamentally change. Sure things look better and I feel good and stable but that always happens. I have good periods and I feel energized and in love with life and proud of myself and then it fades and I know I cant expect to live life on that plain but it still hurts when it is over and sometimes it feels like the littlest things can shift my equilibrium. And then I think about how nothing can shift my equilibirium unless I allow it to. I have great friends and I really like psychology and being in school (although I may not love all the nuts and bolts of research but no one loves every aspect of their work) and I like living in my 'hood and I like my community and I am progressing with my eating disorders project and have been doing fun things and spending time with my nephew and I don't know, i just feel tired. I stayed home tonight and turned down Jesse and Stella's invitations to go out and didnt' make it to the gym with Sally and I just cooked and ate dinner (still sticking to my diet) and watched TV and i just feel kind of tired and empty and I am not sure why- RMDPHDS (found him on Jdate and I have to say my profile is so much cuter than his- but I did see that he logged in tonight) didn't call and Holden and Will are both turning to Sophie to talk about their break-ups (such as they are) and it's jsut so yicky out - it that it? I dont' think that any of that should affect me in any dramatic fashion. Maybe i'm just tired.
I know that I am a good person and have a lot to offer the right person-am I ready to meet the right person? Do I have my priorities straight? I am not sure I know what I am looking for or what I should be looking for. Do I think I am ready to be with someone who is what I want- whatever that means.
Text flirting with Pacey is probably not a step in the right direction- but it's fun to feel flirty and cute and sexual. Even if I may not have any immediate plans about doing something about it.
Maybe I just need a good night's sleep. I have to return RMMS's call tomorrow and hopefully I will get myself to the gym and i will have fun with my company tomorrow night and I will KNOW and not just know that I derserve to have someone be exctied about me, someone that I can get excited about.
I know that I am a good person and have a lot to offer the right person-am I ready to meet the right person? Do I have my priorities straight? I am not sure I know what I am looking for or what I should be looking for. Do I think I am ready to be with someone who is what I want- whatever that means.
Text flirting with Pacey is probably not a step in the right direction- but it's fun to feel flirty and cute and sexual. Even if I may not have any immediate plans about doing something about it.
Maybe I just need a good night's sleep. I have to return RMMS's call tomorrow and hopefully I will get myself to the gym and i will have fun with my company tomorrow night and I will KNOW and not just know that I derserve to have someone be exctied about me, someone that I can get excited about.
posted by Zoe at 11:16 PM
5 Comments:
amen!
sometimes i feel bad about staying in at night. time moves slowly and you think about all the things going on in the world...but i feel like i'm running around so much most of the time that i kind of like it. i have that overbooking problem too. just want to say yet to every invitation. but i'm learning to cut it down. just have to keep in mind what your goals are, who and what is the most important thing you need to spend time on, and that helps sort out the time better.
actually i think texting pacey isnt a bad idea. reminds you that you are attractive and wantable. makes one able to behave like a normal (read: not deperate) person on dates that actually matter, no?
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Here are some links that I believe will be interested
I like it! Keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing this wonderful site with us.
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