The Good, the bad and the ugly, Reprise (hey i'm not all that original but at least i try to steal from the best)
The Good- Day 6 of my diet and going strong, spoke with another person who has a lot of experience with eating disorders and she is really excited about my project and agreed to be interviewed on video.
The Bad- have barely exercised and not sleeping well. I can't find the number of one of the anorexia survivors who contacted me that I intended to meet with this week and I'm not sure how to find her. Keep forgetting to call this other survivor who emailed me her number and she jsut emailed me to ask me for my number (oops)
The Ugly- i keep obsessing about this girl that I know RMDPHDS set up went out with a few years ago. I went to school with her and I can't say that we were ever really friends and she is really thin and i know they went out for a while and I know that by thinking about her i am giving him some kind of power in my life that he didn't earn (that and checking out his publications on www.pubmed.com when I should be reading up on BPD) I was SO proud of myself yesterday b/c I felt like it had been natural and I had been gasp, emotionally healthy about it- Lilah even commended me on it. My aunt called about some guy and I wasn't all that excited but I called her back and told her to give him my number and I told this other girl she could give the guy she knew my number as well. I think this is my attempt not to put all my eggs in one basket - especially since I have had guys ask me out on a second date on the first date and then lose interest (see DWLI 1 & 2) - does that make me pessimistic or bitter? Sometimes (like yesterday) I think I am emotionally healthy and sometimes I think I am so far away from it that I wouldn't knwo emotional health if it beat me with a stick. Gotta love volatility.
joan tells me that I am not as messed up as i think I am and I choose to believe her. Although I did tell RMDPHDS last ngiht that all of us are crazy just in different ways (to which he replied- we are all fuckin' nuts) and that all my friends are neurotic but he said it is because we are all Jewish. Other props to Joan- she didnt' think that REGS was neccesarily about my Electra Complex (a guy is distant and I yell "daddy!" and run to try to get some attention and get pulled into that dynamic) she said I might just have been horny and y'know I think she's right.
The Bad- have barely exercised and not sleeping well. I can't find the number of one of the anorexia survivors who contacted me that I intended to meet with this week and I'm not sure how to find her. Keep forgetting to call this other survivor who emailed me her number and she jsut emailed me to ask me for my number (oops)
The Ugly- i keep obsessing about this girl that I know RMDPHDS set up went out with a few years ago. I went to school with her and I can't say that we were ever really friends and she is really thin and i know they went out for a while and I know that by thinking about her i am giving him some kind of power in my life that he didn't earn (that and checking out his publications on www.pubmed.com when I should be reading up on BPD) I was SO proud of myself yesterday b/c I felt like it had been natural and I had been gasp, emotionally healthy about it- Lilah even commended me on it. My aunt called about some guy and I wasn't all that excited but I called her back and told her to give him my number and I told this other girl she could give the guy she knew my number as well. I think this is my attempt not to put all my eggs in one basket - especially since I have had guys ask me out on a second date on the first date and then lose interest (see DWLI 1 & 2) - does that make me pessimistic or bitter? Sometimes (like yesterday) I think I am emotionally healthy and sometimes I think I am so far away from it that I wouldn't knwo emotional health if it beat me with a stick. Gotta love volatility.
joan tells me that I am not as messed up as i think I am and I choose to believe her. Although I did tell RMDPHDS last ngiht that all of us are crazy just in different ways (to which he replied- we are all fuckin' nuts) and that all my friends are neurotic but he said it is because we are all Jewish. Other props to Joan- she didnt' think that REGS was neccesarily about my Electra Complex (a guy is distant and I yell "daddy!" and run to try to get some attention and get pulled into that dynamic) she said I might just have been horny and y'know I think she's right.
posted by Zoe at 10:30 PM
2 Comments:
Hey what a great site keep up the work its excellent.
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re: obsessing about the girl he dated b4 u
ok. i'm truly embarrassed to tell you this but I heard Dr. Laura taking about this exact thing ( i know! i know! It was a moment of weakness. I'm deeply ashamed!!)
here's the thing. this girl was going on and on about how she knew the girl he dated b4 and she was so great.she can't stop comparing herself in her mind and thinking she doesn't measure up yada yada yada. sound familiar? Dr L (in her inimitably nasty way) basically said to her. "You're right. you probably don't measure up. She probably IS all those great things. So get over it. Accept it. You worst fear IS TRUE. you DONT measure up to her. If you just accept that your worst fear is true maybe you can get on with the business of being yourself" or something like that. her point was that instead of obsessing and wondering about it, just accept it as fact and move on. It's kind of freeing in a way. frees you up to just be yourself and rise or fall on that basis alone. Nobody wants to be with a girl who doesnt think she's worth being with.
file under harsh but true?
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