13 (or less) conversations about one thing (me)- first installment
1 & 2 -Conversations with T2GT- It was my first appointment in a while as he had been out of town for the traditional therapist summer break. So the appt was an attempt to catch up on my life in the past 3 weeks. In the course of our exchange I told him that I know I am not certain about things and I think it is jsut part of me, and not neccesarily a bad part. My uncertainty leaves me open so that I can discover new things and regardless of its effects on my life, it is who I am and I think I am ready to start embracing it instead of rueing its existence.
We also discussed my previously mentioned tendency to overschedule myself and how it is a symptom of my sense of entitlement- I should work on that.
3- Conversations with Harry- Tonight Harry asked me if I think I am trying to marry up. Do I think that I only like the guys that are out of my league. I hope not. I dont' think that I am too cool for school and I think that I have an accurate sense of my league, as it were. I hope that I am dating and aspiring to guys who are in my league. I know that I sometimes doubt it but I think I am getting over it. I think part of what is helping me get past it is recognizing that I think my friends are pretty terrific and I seem to belong in that league and I would be happy dating someone from their league as well. How are leagues established anyway? What would be considered marrying up?
4- Conversation with mom- My mom made some comment about how I don't care if the guys I date wear kipas- I just let it go. I am not going to deny something that is true and I am not going to defend my position.
5- Conversation with Rach- I tried to get a bunch of downtown folk together tonight for bowling (I ended up eating dinner at Harry (see above convo) and I met his friend Duncan (while I don't think he was interested in me, I do think I made a fun impression. I was relaxed and confident and I think that I was entertaining. - didn't hut that Harry told him that I was really smart; Harry and I have a mutual admiration soceity going.) Anyway, Rach called me to tell me that she was coming and thanked me for being the social organizer and I realized that I only longer care who shows up because I don't do this to make myself feel popular and I don't care how it makes me look or how many friends I appear to have- ah progress.
6- Conversation with RTSS- Spoke with Random Thoracic Surgeon Set up last night. It is so weird to have these conversations with men that you dont' know and attempt to be known and get to know them in turn. I don't know who he thinks I am but I am fairly certain that that person doesn't bear a passing resemblance to me.
7 & 8- Conversation with Facialist and Waxer- Love, love, love my new facialist. She takes her time and there is a lot of extra neck and arm massaging. I understand that she is trying to make me feel good but she told me that she can tell that i am a hard worker- I told her sometimes. I guess that is accurate. I would like to think that I am but I can't say that it is entirely true. I dislike the waxer and will not be going back to her (although she is not the one who burned my bikini line, I guess if you think the wax is too hot, you should speak up). I hate when the waxing ladies yell at you for your deficient grooming, do they really think that will make you come back. Particularly since I wax on a regular basis and have for close to 15 years and she asked me if I shave and then she asked why I have so many ingrown hairs- as if I have commanded my hairs to turn inward. I don't need to pay you to help me feel badly about myself and my appearance. She also yelled at me for jerking during the pedicure, which I clearly would not have done had she not been poking at me. (OK that wasn't a conversation about me as much as it was a random rant).
9 - Conversations on Jdate- in the broad defintion of the word conversation. I edited my profile and attempted to contact some men- so far no responses and I am not holding out much hope. What is particularly sad is that I look really cute in my pics (even though I would have to lose 10-15 pounds to look like that now- which I would start freaking out about were I ever to hear from anyone semi- decent, as in not 45 with 3 kids and a divorce on the way)
We also discussed my previously mentioned tendency to overschedule myself and how it is a symptom of my sense of entitlement- I should work on that.
3- Conversations with Harry- Tonight Harry asked me if I think I am trying to marry up. Do I think that I only like the guys that are out of my league. I hope not. I dont' think that I am too cool for school and I think that I have an accurate sense of my league, as it were. I hope that I am dating and aspiring to guys who are in my league. I know that I sometimes doubt it but I think I am getting over it. I think part of what is helping me get past it is recognizing that I think my friends are pretty terrific and I seem to belong in that league and I would be happy dating someone from their league as well. How are leagues established anyway? What would be considered marrying up?
4- Conversation with mom- My mom made some comment about how I don't care if the guys I date wear kipas- I just let it go. I am not going to deny something that is true and I am not going to defend my position.
5- Conversation with Rach- I tried to get a bunch of downtown folk together tonight for bowling (I ended up eating dinner at Harry (see above convo) and I met his friend Duncan (while I don't think he was interested in me, I do think I made a fun impression. I was relaxed and confident and I think that I was entertaining. - didn't hut that Harry told him that I was really smart; Harry and I have a mutual admiration soceity going.) Anyway, Rach called me to tell me that she was coming and thanked me for being the social organizer and I realized that I only longer care who shows up because I don't do this to make myself feel popular and I don't care how it makes me look or how many friends I appear to have- ah progress.
6- Conversation with RTSS- Spoke with Random Thoracic Surgeon Set up last night. It is so weird to have these conversations with men that you dont' know and attempt to be known and get to know them in turn. I don't know who he thinks I am but I am fairly certain that that person doesn't bear a passing resemblance to me.
7 & 8- Conversation with Facialist and Waxer- Love, love, love my new facialist. She takes her time and there is a lot of extra neck and arm massaging. I understand that she is trying to make me feel good but she told me that she can tell that i am a hard worker- I told her sometimes. I guess that is accurate. I would like to think that I am but I can't say that it is entirely true. I dislike the waxer and will not be going back to her (although she is not the one who burned my bikini line, I guess if you think the wax is too hot, you should speak up). I hate when the waxing ladies yell at you for your deficient grooming, do they really think that will make you come back. Particularly since I wax on a regular basis and have for close to 15 years and she asked me if I shave and then she asked why I have so many ingrown hairs- as if I have commanded my hairs to turn inward. I don't need to pay you to help me feel badly about myself and my appearance. She also yelled at me for jerking during the pedicure, which I clearly would not have done had she not been poking at me. (OK that wasn't a conversation about me as much as it was a random rant).
9 - Conversations on Jdate- in the broad defintion of the word conversation. I edited my profile and attempted to contact some men- so far no responses and I am not holding out much hope. What is particularly sad is that I look really cute in my pics (even though I would have to lose 10-15 pounds to look like that now- which I would start freaking out about were I ever to hear from anyone semi- decent, as in not 45 with 3 kids and a divorce on the way)
posted by Zoe at 10:57 PM
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