I make my own choices

I choose to be happy. I will enjoy myself this Shabbat and participate in my cousin’s engagement party with joy. I love my aunt and uncle and cousins and I am happy for them. I choose to remember that. I will enjoy the company of my family and I am going to have a good time. That’s it. I refuse to feel sorry for myself or any other emotion that is going to get in my way. I can have a good time this weekend and I will and I will do it as me. I will not pretend to be something I am not nor will I aspire to it. I am figuring out what fits me and I am going to wear it and wear it well.

I was IMing with Isidore last night for a bit and it was really all about him- he didn’t even make a perfunctory inquiry about my well-being. He apologized at the end and said this is how he gets when he is tired and hungry and I realized that is no excuse. Not when he does it and not when I do something comparable. Although I have to admit that I was surprised he even noticed that he was being self-centered. No loss there. Which makes you wonder why I am even in touch with him at all….

I know exercise is a really effective mood stabilizer but it is easier to take a pill so I have been doing that instead.