Embracing me (and my inner book nerd and slut)

I spent part of the day with Holden today, which was amazing. Being myself with him reminded me how compelling and interesting I am- without trying. I don’t have to assimilate other people’s interests; I have enough of my own. We walked to Barnes and Noble to buy me my therapy reading assignment- Becoming Attached, which wasn’t there but I had such a good time discussing books with him in the Psychology and Philosophy sections and he helped me pare down my selection (of about 20 books) to three books. I’ll review them as I read them. I got in touch with me, fun, interesting, me. The me who Holden appreciates (and not just because I am his sister). We were talking about my friend River who lives in LA who I am having trouble connecting with (he is really busy with work and his girlfriend). I was telling Holden that River is tough to see and his friends know that if you want to be friends with him, you put up with it, it’s just River. Holden asked the obvious question of why be friends with him- and I said I love him, he is my friend for years but also he is the kind of friend who we can talk once a year but then really talk. But really it’s because I like who he sees in me, he always had faith in me even when I didn’t, he really sees me and he sees me as I want to be seen. I value that and I know he loves me so I am willing to put up with River being River. Hopefully I will see him tonight. I will not be seeing Jack as he never responded to my text (assuming Gracie gave me the right number) “hey it’s Zoe Carrington, I’m in LA until Tuesday night and thought it might be fun to hang out. I seem to remember that you were a really good kisser.” Kind of forward but I figured it accurately represented my intentions. I am not looking to pursue a long distance relationship with him (which was the problem when we dated, if you can call it that). I just want to hang out and hook up. I guess that might make me a slut but I’m OK with embracing my inner sluttiness.