Chugging along

I handed in my 30 page term paper on Tuesday. Apparently TERM papers are not meant to be written in a weekend. I did my reading and annotating over the week (well mostly Sat night and Sunday but some was done earlier) and then didn't sit downt to write the paper until Sunday night. This ill advised plan resulted in only 4 hours of sleep between Sunday morning and Tuesday night and a paper that was barely edited and finished at the deadline. I do hope I learned a lesson. If I do well on the paper, I may not actually take the lesson to heart (although I did get a nasty cold which way have been due to depressed and sleep deprived immune system). My presentation went very well on Tuesday and after the paper was handed in I felt so free- which lasted about an hour and then I remembered the 17 applications I have to complete. Although even with application deadlines and finals looming I still feel less burdened as I have finished my term paper and SAVI training and the bridal shower I threw last month and I ordered a gown for Holden's wedding (although I have to go get measured on Monday)- at the start of the semester I had all of these balls to juggle and at this point I am able to put down a few of them. I still have an assessment to complete on Monday and a bunch of stuff to do for my research commitments but at least a few of the big balls have been completed. My potential patient didn't work out but hopefully the next referral that we get will produce a patient for me. It is good to know that my supervisor has faith in my clinical ablities and I really do feel like they have grown recently as I have been on a few more SAVI calls (including a rape survivor) and completed some assessments both with normals and inpatients (and parents).
I hope to finish my applications this week (all of my transcripts and scores have been sent and 2/3 letters are out- the third is written but I have to meet with my prof on the 5th to mail them out)- it is just the personal statement, which I know is scaring me but I also know that I can do this.
In other news, I haven't been on a date in months. I know that I have to get out more, as I have been fairly reclusive due to my work schedule. Getting out might help. I also have not been set up with anyone in a long time. I know that I am not thin, but I am not obese and I am still really cute and I'm sexy and fun and smart and I'm a good person. Someone has to know someone who is looking for a girl like that. I've been actively setting up my friends and acquaintances. One of these days karma has to pay me back. If I just want to hook up with someone, I know how to get that. But it isn't what I want. It isn't very satisfying and at this point, i have honed my skills enough that I don't need to just get some practice.
My mom is trying to be leave me alone regarding my weight but I know she wishes I would lose weight. I was talking to her about how I have been chain-drinking tea and she said "well at least that is a good start for a diet.....i mean, if that is what you want." I would like to lose some weight- at least the weight i have gained since the summer (which is the same weight that I lost this summer). I just want to feel healthier. I want to get regular exercise, eat most healthy food and get enough sleep on a somewhat normal schedule. I want to feel like I know I have clothes that fit me and I don't have to start thinking about my wardrobe when I want to go out or go to visit my parents.
I miss my friends- I think that focusing on school and research and my movie is great and it makes me feel productive and focused but I also need to start seeing my friends again. I love coming out on a movie meeting (esp if I hear how inspiring I am) but I also love coming out of a dinner with a friend. I did spend last Shabbat with Chloe and Sarah and I have Anne's shower in the morning so I am socializing a little. Hopefully Joanie and I can make time to see each other this weekend and I will be able to touch base with Elle and Sam as well. Everything has been crisis intervention (because I will make time for my friends in a crisis) or school oriented conversations recently and I like it because it makes me feel connected to my friends and productive and useful but it isn't the same kind of fun with friends- which is mostly my fault. And because I keep getting no sleep due to school work I get sick and then sleep later-- this isn't good for a balanced life. Months ago Joanie told me I have balance- school, research, community service, friends, family. I need to get back in balance. I spent some time with my nephews and I will be with my family this coming weekend, Lilah is coming in this weekend as is one of my SAVI friends- if I can utilize my time well over the next week and sleep appropriate hours then I can hopefully start getting my life back in balance and can use Holden, Lauren and Lilah's visits (as well moving into my new apt in the East Village with Katelyn- we talked about joining a gym together and meeting for drinks in the 'hood) as a fulcrum to swing my life into balance. I would love to get out and have fun and get some exercise and still be making progress with my movie, research and schoolwork.