Tears streaming down my cheeks

Not everyone is going to like me and I have to be OK with that. I also have to remember not to ascribe too much importance to the people who don't like me and neglect to remember all the people who do like me. And also who gives a fuck? Why do i really care how my actions and intentions are perceived? Why isn't it enough to trust in myself? I guess it would be if I really did do that. Shit- I don't know what is wrong with me. I have all the evidence I could need that I am a good person who is loved and valued- why don't I really feel it sometimes? And I know that i have to deal with that part of me that feels rejected with so much potency because just pushing it away hasn't been all that effective. But I don't like the petty person I become when that aspect of me is so salient. I have to figure out a way to utilize all parts of me. And the only reason I can think of to explain the fact that I am crying now is that my period must be imminent (I really should keep better track).
why is there this part of me that just refuses to feel loved and appreciated? I feel it now like this sharp stabbing pain in my gut. I have to go back to writing up the film outline or I have to try to get some sleep - since it is close to 2 am that is probably the better idea. Although I might try to work on my personal statement as T2GT told me that I need to access this part of me to write it and I know he is right and I have been meaning to write it for days but haven't done more than research all the profs at each school so I can include them in the statements. I just haven't felt inspired. Maybe I will now.