My kind of Self Improvement Reading

I haven’t been reading the Surrendered single because I decided I would rather read the Lobotomist (biography or Walter Freeman, surgeon who performed close to 3500 lobotomies between 1936 and his death in the 70s). Although my reading has been curtailed by hanging with siblings, River and my grandmother. She was talking to Sophie and I about her family and her experiences after the war. (I may have started tearing up). It was really good to get in touch with what an amazing person she is after days of being annoyed because she complains about random stuff or if getting older and more crotchety. She is this amazing giving person and it is hard for all of us to watch my grandparents get older and I think I forget sometimes how lucky I am to have them and I don’t stop to take advantage of it. I stopped using the shower upstairs (my grandparents’ shower) because there is a chair in the shower. I hate seeing this tangible sign that they are getting older and need more help and can’t do all the things they used to do (although they both still go to work daily).

I am starting to remember that someone would be damn lucky to be chosen by me and that I have SO MUCH to offer exactly as I am. No need to change to fit someone else, I’m really more than good enough exactly as I am. I like me, I like me a lot.
I like being Jewish because I like the community, history and tradition and I like feeling like I belonging to something. And I like feeling like I belong to my family and I am wiling to pay the price of admission because that is how you really feel like family. I was happy to cook and serve for holiday meals and when I came in last night at 12:30 and Adam and Jamie were crying I went to help Sophie and put Adam back to sleep so she could deal with Jamie and Alex could sleep. I like hanging with Meg and Will and helping her truly become part of our family. It’s really good. And I know that the price of admission may include being respectful of their religious practice but it need not include being religious in the same manner that they are. I was talking to River about being supported by my parents while not really being observant in the way they are and he said that my parents are not buying my religious belief. He’s right. They support me beause they can and it makes my life easier and enables me to pursue my dreams and they do it because I’m their daughter and they love me. They don’t do it to keep me in line. Which isn’t to say that it isn’t time to try to make a contribution to my income- I’m 30 and an adult and supporting themselves is what adults do.